Life is Forever Changing
by Reese M
Summary: Reposting from old account - When Maureen is attacked, she and Joanne face life together as they deal the worse thing that could happen to one of them, and then it's aftermath. This story is about family and the bright light at the end of a long hellish tunnel.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is a repost from an old account I use to have, ThroppFourthAscending. I'm consolidating all my stories onto one account. And since I posted my Wicked story here a while back, I thought I would repost my Rent story. Of course I don't own Rent I simply write for my own enjoyment and that of my readers. There are some dark adult themes in this one, mainly rape, but over all its a story about love and family. Enjoy.

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It was an off off off Broadway show, but it was a paying gig and it was musical theater. All of which were important to Maureen. She got to be on stage, the diva drama queen, which made her happy, and she was earning a steady pay check which made her feel independent, not to mention it shut Joanne up. The two women were still working their way through a relationship. Something clicked inside Maureen that night in the loft when she thought she'd just watch Roger lose Mimi, it made her look at things a little differently. It made her see that she didn't want to be alone at the end of the day, and that if she kept playing games, that's exactly how she'd end up.

It was nearly two am when she made her way up from the subway. She stifled a yawn as she started to walk towards the loft. Joanne was out of town and she didn't feel like being alone, so she'd been staying at the loft with the guys. She'd just turned the corner when she thought she heard footsteps behind her. Clutching her bag to her chest she reached into her pocket for the can of mace Joanne made her carry. As soon as the little can was in her hand she knew something was wrong, she'd never felt the need to grab it before.

The footsteps behind her grew louder, faster. Maureen picked up her pace and was just about to break off into a run when someone grabbed her. She tried to yell but there was a hand over her mouth. She fought whoever had her but it was of little use, he, it had to be a he from the way he felt, pulled her into an alley.

Mark looked up from editing his film when the phone rang and the machine picked up.

"Speeeaak."

"Throw down your keys." Came Collins' voice.

Marc smiled. "He's home." He ran over to the window and crawled out onto the fire escape. He tossed his keys down to his friend and then went back inside. When Collins came up he had a bottle of stoli and four paper cups as was his custom.

"So where is our starlet this chilly evening?" Collins asked as he settled onto the couch.

Mark looked up at the clock and shrugged. "She's normally back by now."

"Up to her old game?" Collins asked draining his second cup.

Roger smirked. "Most likely." He held out his hand. "Pay up."

"We don't know she's out doing that, Roger." Mark frowned.

The musician rolled his eyes.

The next morning Collins was jarred from his sleep on the couch by someone yelling outside. He got to his feet stretched and staggered to the window. Joanne was on the street and without needing to think he tossed her Mark's keys and then staggered back inside.

Joanne let herself into the building and then up to the loft. When she walked in she went right to the room she knew Maureen would be in. The room was empty and the bed un-slept in. She felt awful about it but the first thing that came to mind was that her girlfriend was in bed with her ex. Stepping back out of the room she headed for Mark's. She fought the urge to just walk in and knocked instead. "Mark?"

Mark opened the door. "Yeah?"

"Please tell me she's not in there with you." Joanne said flatly.

Mark blinked and then pushed past Joanne. He checked Maureen's room and ran his hand through his blonde hair. "Fuck."

Joanne sighed. "She didn't come home last night."

"It was the first time the whole two weeks you were gone." Mark answered honestly. "And we don't know she's out there doing what we think she is."

A battle raged between Joanne's head and heart, one saying oh yes she is, and the other wanting to give her girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Her head was in the lead. "Maybe I just expected to much. I should have known she wasn't really ready to change."

Mark couldn't believe Joanne was just willing to think Maureen was cheating again, though he couldn't figure out if he'd do the same thing if he were still the one sharing her bed. Yeah, he probably would because she had. She'd cheated on him with Joanne, why wouldn't she be cheating on Joanne with whomever? "I'm not starting an ex-Maureen club."

Joanne tried to smile but couldn't bring herself to do it. If Maureen was out there fucking someone else again this really would be it. "If she comes here tell her I'm home."

Mark nodded and then watched as Joanne left the loft.

With her hands shoved into the pockets of her coat Joanne started down the street towards her car. She was just about to unlock it when she heard something in the ally across the street. She looked, thinking it might have been a cat but when she heard it again she knew it wasn't a cat meowing it was a person moaning, and not the good kind of moaning. She wasn't sure why but she crossed the street and went into the ally. The sight that greeted her nearly killed her.

Laying in a puddle of snow, slush, blood, and other filth was Maureen. She was curled into a tight ball and only half conscious. She was muttering softly and flinched, drawing herself into an even tighter ball when she felt someone touch her.

"Baby?" Joanne called to her battered girlfriend as she carefully reached out to place a hand on her arm. "Baby? Maureen!" When she didn't get anything more then flinching and what sounded like soft muttering, Joanne straightened up and ran to the street. She screamed for help at the top of her lungs.

When they heard Joanne screaming all three guys went to their fire escape, as did Mimi down in her own loft. Once they saw her all four of them went running out of the building. When they reached her Collins looked into the ally first. He pushed a shaking Joanne into Mimi's arms while he and Mark went into the ally. He called for Roger to call 911.

Maureen wasn't sure what was going on around her all she knew was she felt fear. She'd felt it all night, but never once did she feel alone. Even when she was being attacked she felt as if someone was taking the abuse along with her.


	2. Chapter 2

When Maureen began to stir she still felt cold but at least now she felt dry. The cold, wet, smelly concrete of the ally had been replaced with something soft, dry, and smelling of Lysol. She tried to move but every part of her body protested in one form of pain or another. She was just about to open her eyes when everything from the night before came rushing back to her. In a moment of utter terror she began to thrash at the blankets and pull at anything she felt was trying to hold her down.

Joanne was startled out of her seat when Maureen started to fight the hospital blanks, IVs, and monitor wires. "Baby." She said softly yet firmly. She wanted to reach out and hold her but thought better of it. In the state of mind Maureen was in she might think of her as an attacker. "Baby. Baby, it's ok."

It was the soft voice that finally broke through her panic. Maureen stopped fighting, laid still, and slowly opened her eyes just in case she was dreaming again. The light hurt her eyes, and her vision was a little blurry, but when it cleared and Joanne's face came into focus, Maureen burst into tears.

"It's ok, Baby." Joanne said as she carefully sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She let Maureen reach out to her before finally wrapping her arms around her tightly.

The women didn't let go of each other until a doctor and a police detective came into the room. "Ms. Jefferson could you step…"

"No!" Maureen cut the doctor off. "No! She... She stays or, or I leave!"

It was the lawyer in her that kept Joanne from reacting. She'd never seen Maureen like this.

"Alright." The doctor gave in.

When the doctor tried to exam her Maureen drew away from him.

"Could we get a woman doctor?" Joanne asked. "Now that she's awake."

The doctor nodded and left. That's when the detective stepped up. Luckily she was a woman. "Ms. Johnson, I'm Detective Martin. Do you think you could tell me what happened last night?"

Maureen looked at the woman and blinked. She reached for Joanne's hand and held it tightly. How could she explain what happened? Especially with Joanne standing there, but she knew she'd never be able to without her there. Seeing as she was lying in a hospital bed and the police were there they obviously knew already, and knowing that Joanne knew flooded her with shame and fear.

"We have pieces that need to be put together." The detective explained, guessing at the hesitation, or at least part of it. "Can you tell me what happened to you last night?"

"I… I was…" She looked up at Joanne.

Joanne sat beside her and put an arm around her. "It's ok, Baby."

Maureen looked at her girlfriend for a while before turning to the cop. "I was walking home from the subway. I heard footsteps behind me. I pulled my mace from my pocket, which scared me."

When the young woman paused Detective Martin asked, "Why did that scare you?"

"She makes me carry it." She indicated Joanne, "I've never felt like I've had to use it before. I've lived in that area for years, all my friends still live there."

"You don't live in that area anymore?" The detective asked while taking notes.

Maureen shook her head, which made it pound. "I live with her. I was staying at a friend's while she was out of town."

Martin nodded. "Why were you coming from the subway so late?"

"I was on my way home from work." Maureen answered.

The cop nodded again. "Go on."

Maureen swallowed but her mouth and throat were dry. She took a cup of water from Joanne, sipped it, and then held Joanne's hand in her own tightly. She told the cop everything, how she'd been grabbed, how she'd been thrown down, beaten and raped. She couldn't remember much about him, it was dark and he'd grabbed her from behind so she didn't see a lot of him. He'd worn a baseball cap with a logo she didn't know. A leather jacket with a rip in it, she'd felt it while she'd fought him, and he smelled like cheap drug store cologne.

The detective took down notes and when Maureen was finished she thanked her and promised to be in touch soon. Shortly after the cop had gone a woman doctor came in to exam her. Joanne stayed with her until she'd fallen asleep and then only went out into the hall to speak with the doctor. She tried very hard to hold in her anger when the doctor told her she couldn't tell her anything because she wasn't family. She didn't find out the extent of Maureen's injures until she was awake again and the doctor was explaining them to her.

Deep bruises, numerous lacerations with several needing stitches, a concussion, and some virginal tearing that needed stitching. She explained the blood tests that were being done, and that they were going to keep her a day or two. When the doctor left them alone again Joanne laid next to Maureen on the bed while Maureen cried, got angry, fought terror, then finally fell asleep once again.

That evening when their friends came Maureen refused to see them and sent Joanne to talk to them.

"How is she?" Mark asked as soon as he saw Joanne.

Joanne just shook her head and right away Collins put an arm around her shoulder. "I've never seen her so scared before."

"Was she?" Mimi couldn't finish the question and when Joanne nodded she buried her head in Roger's chest.

"She's refusing to see anyone, I'm sorry." Joanne said tiredly. "She doesn't even want her parents to know. She figured all of you had figured it out when I told her you all came running when I found her."

Collins hugged her with the arm around her shoulders. "We'll give her time."

Joanne nodded. "I'll call."

They all nodded, hugged her, and then turned to leave. Just before they got to the elevator Mimi came back and passed Joanne a small stuffed angel bear. "Give it to her and tell her that when she's up to it, ask me about him."

Again Joanne nodded. She watched as their friends left and then went back to Maureen's room. She offered the toy to her with the best smile she could muster. "Mimi said to give him to you."

Maureen took the bear and stared at it. Her head was still foggy but for a moment she almost thought… No, that was impossible. She cuddled the bear to her chest.

"She also said that when you feel up to it, you should ask her about him." Joanna passed on the message.

"Ok." Maureen replied simply. "I'm tired."

Joanne tried her smile again, still not much of one. "Then sleep."

"You'll stay?" Maureen asked.

"Right here, I promise."

Maureen nodded, closed her eyes, snuggled the bear, and went back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Maureen was released from the hospital the next day with a promise from the doctor she'd call when the test results were in, and a follow up appointment in one week. She still didn't feel up to seeing anyone and asked Joanne to take her home. When they got to Joanne's apartment Maureen asked if she could have some time alone. Joanne nodded and promised to stick close in case she needed her.

Once she was alone Maureen sat, curled, into the end of the couch. She really hadn't been able to process it all while in the hospital, but now that she was alone in the quite and safety of the apartment she allowed herself to really think about what had happened. She was uncomfortable with her own emotions. She didn't like feeling so scared, broken, lost. She was angry as hell, as terrified as a newborn kitten, and ashamed. How could she have allowed this to happen to her?

As she got up and moved to the window, knowing she'd find Joanne sitting at the café at the end of the block, she wondered how long before the other woman left. There was no way Joanne would be able to forgive this, no way she'd ever want to touch her, love her again. Maureen wiped at huge hot tears as her gaze fell away from Joanne and her soy latté, to the men walking up and down the sidewalk. It made her shake just thinking that any one of those men, any man she passed on the street or in the subway could be the man who raped her. Suddenly feeling as if she were once again covered in the filth and dirt of the ally and that man, Maureen went into the bathroom to shower.

When Joanne finally came back an hour later she slipped into the apartment. "Baby?" Her only response was the sound of the shower. She headed down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. "Baby?" There was still no reply from Maureen. Testing the door, Joanne found it unlocked so she went in. Maureen was huddled in the back corner of the shower with her arms wrapped around her legs. When Joanne opened the shower door she found the water ice cold and Maureen shivering, lips nearly blue. She quickly turned the water off, grabbed one of the big cotton towels from linen cabinet, and wrapped it around Maureen as she helped the other woman to her feet.

"I'm not clean." Maureen whispered hoarsely as she was lead to the bedroom. "I have to wash it all off me."

Joanne's heart was breaking. "Oh Maureen your ice cold." She sighed as she sat the other woman on the bed and rubbed her with the towel. "Honey that's not good for your injuries."

"Have to get clean." Maureen repeated.

"You need to get warm." Joanne responded. "The rest will come in time." She kissed the top of Maureen's cold wet head and then went to get her some warm clothes. She wasn't sure how much to do, if she should just leave the undergarments, PJ bottoms, and sweatshirt for Maureen to change into or help her get dressed. She set the pile of clothes next to her girlfriend and then sat on the other side. "Maureen?" She said, trying not to cry over the lost, blank look on the normally live wire woman's face, "Honey, do you want me to help you get dressed or do you want me to step out of the room?"

Maureen was quite for a while before tears once again welled in her eyes. "I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to be with me either."

Joanne blinked and her vocabulary seemed to disappear. "Huh?"

"I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry." Maureen said as she picked up the clothes and stood shakily. "I'll change in the bathroom."

Before the other woman could move Joanne was on her feet and had her turned to face her. "This wasn't your fault, Maureen. Baby, there is nothing for you to be sorry about." The look on her girlfriend's face made Joanne feel all of an inch tall. "You thought I'd blame you?"

"You… You said you'd never forgive another affair." Maureen croaked.

Forget an inch tall, Joanne felt microscopic. "This isn't the same thing, Maureen, not by a long shot. Baby, this wasn't an affair, this wasn't you out flirting and pushing my buttons, or cheating. Honey, you," She paused, took a breath and started again. "You were attacked and raped. That's something that's totally out of your hands. That fucker took your control away."

Hearing Joanne voice some of the things she'd been thinking was just too much. Maureen's legs felt like jelly and before she knew it she was wrapped tightly in Joanne's arms. The slightly older woman helped her to the bed and then just simply held her. When her mind was a little clearer she realized Joanne was singing to her, and stroking her hair.

The next three days went slowly. Maureen felt as if she were merely coasting through her days. She didn't leave the apartment, she wouldn't see or talk to anyone, and she slept a lot. Was this what it felt like to be depressed? If it was, Maureen didn't want anything to do with it, her only problem was she didn't know how to snap out of it. Standing by the window she watched as a cold winter rain poured down, her hands wrapped around a warm mug of tea. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was trying to convince herself Joanne was right, she might want to seek out a counselor. Sighing, she wished now she hadn't snapped her girlfriend's head off when she'd brought it up. It seemed like all she'd done that morning was scream at Joanne.

When the phone rang she let it ring until the machine picked up. "Hello, this is Doctor Lewis. I'm calling for Maureen Johnson if you could call…"

Maureen picked up the phone. "Hello."

"Ms. Johnson?" The doctor's voice asked.

She wished she weren't Maureen Johnson at the moment, but Maureen nodded as she replied. "Yes."

"Ms. Johnson, I have your test results. I know we have an appointment Monday, but is there a chance you could come into see me this afternoon?" The doctor asked.

Maureen's heart stopped beating in her chest. She swallowed but her mouth was dry.

"Ms. Johnson?" The doctor asked, "Are you there?"

"Yes." Maureen finally got out.

The doctor's voice sighed. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You ask me to come down to your office for my test results after being raped, and you didn't think it would scare me?" Maureen snapped. "I'd rather just know which test came up positive now rather then worrying about it until I got there. So what is it? Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis, Hepatitis, or did I win the golden ticket on the HIV test?"

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. "All of your blood work came back clean, all the sexually transmitted disease tests were negative, including the HIV test. You know you'll have to have it done again in a few months."

A huge weight lifted from Maureen's shoulders. "Yes of course." Then it struck her. If all her tests were clean and negative then what the fuck was positive? Suddenly fear gripped her when she thought of the only thing it could be. "The pregnancy test was the one that came back positive."

"Yes." The doctor replied carefully. "That's why I wanted you to come in. I thought you might want to speak with someone in my office."

"A shrink." Maureen sighed.

"Yes, if you're not already seeing one." The doctor responded.

Maureen was quite for a while, then she said, "I'll be in on Monday."

The doctor agreed, they set up an appointment, and Maureen hung up. She felt numb all over. She should be feeling grateful that the creep hadn't given her some disease since it was painfully clear now that he hadn't used protection, but she wasn't all together sure if this wasn't just as bad. Her head was spinning, her emotions threatening to drown her. Without even realizing what she was doing, Maureen got her coat on, grabbed her keys, and for the first time since she'd come home from the hospital, left the apartment.

When Joanne got home from work, Maureen wasn't there. She checked every room before she fully began to panic. Grabbing the phone she noticed the light blinking on the machine. She pressed the play button and heard the doctor's message and Maureen's voice just before the message cut off. Knowing that she must have gotten her test results made Joanne's hands shake as she dialed the number to the loft. When Mark and Roger's machine picked up she cursed them for never just simply answering the damn thing. "Guys it's me, is Maureen with you?"

Mark picked up. "She's not here, she's not with you?"

"No," Joanne sighed. "She was gone when I got home from work. There's a message on our machine from the doctor. Mark, I think she got her test results. Something's wrong."

"We'll find her, Joanne." Mark reassured her.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain was falling only lightly now, but it was still cold. Maureen sat, shivering, on a stone bench in the cemetery. In her dreams, when she dreamt of that night, the person she saw trying to shield her from it was Angel. He'd knelt beside her, stroked her hair, held her while she laid in the cold. Had he really been the presence she'd felt that night or was she just placing him there in her dreams? "What am I going to do, Angel?" She asked the headstone.

She didn't know how long she'd sat there, but the rain was once again turning to snow. Finally deciding to move on, she stood up only to have her legs turn to jelly. She hit the snow covered grass just as she heard her name called out.

"Maureen!" Mimi yelled as she, Roger, and Benny ran over to her. The big man scooped his friend up with ease, and Roger quickly shed his coat to cover her with it. They rushed her to Benny's car and then got her home as quickly as they could. Benny was just placing her on the couch, covering her with blankets when Joanne ran in.

"Where was she?" The woman asked as she knelt next to the couch. "She's ice cold." She began to rub Maureen's arms and caress her cheeks.

Collins came back in with more blanks. "The cemetery."

Fear gripped Joanne when she thought of why Maureen might want to see Angel after talking to the doctor and for a moment she forgot how to breathe. She took a sharp, almost painful breath when Maureen began to stir.

"Angel." She whispered.

"No, Baby, it's me, it's all of us." Joanne replied.

Maureen opened her eyes and looked into Joanne's dark ones. For a moment it felt as if she'd never seen into those dark chocolate eyes before, and truth be told, she hadn't, not really. She'd always been afraid of what she'd find in them, but her fears were wrong. She didn't see all the negative things she thought she would, Maureen saw love in those dark chocolate eyes. She smiled for the first time in a week, a sweet, loving smile. She reached up and caressed Joanne's cheek. "Hi."

Joanne, a little taken aback after the intense moment of simply looking into each other's eyes, replied. "Hi." The room was still until Joanne finally sighed in relief. "You scared the hell out of us."

"Sorry." Maureen said as she looked around. Mark was just coming out of the kitchen with tea, which he handed to Maureen when she sat up. "I needed to think." She wrapped her hands around the mug, suddenly realizing how cold she was. "How'd you find me?"

"Mimi." Benny said from near the door. "She had a hunch."

Mimi smiled and shrugged.

Maureen looked at the girl and smiled back. "Thanks."

"Your welcome." Mimi replied. "Are you… Are you ok?"

Maureen took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes." She told them firmly. "And I'll explain everything to everyone, but not now, ok?"

Everyone nodded and slowly began to leave the apartment after giving Maureen hugs. When they were finally alone, Joanne curled up with Maureen on the couch and just waited her out. She wanted to know what made her girlfriend run like that, why she had to go to Angel, but she was trying to work on that anal-retentive, control freak thing.

When Maureen was ready she pulled away from Joanne and sat at the other end of the couch. She curled up and wrapped her arms around her legs. She looked into her lover's eyes for a while before finally sighing. "The doctor called, but I'm guessing you know that."

"It was on the machine." Joanne answered.

"How much?" Maureen asked.

"It cut off just after you answered." Joanne replied.

Maureen nodded. She took another moment to clear her thoughts. "Everything came back clean." She finally said. She watched as Joanne seemed to physically relax a little. "Almost everything came back negative."

Joanne tensed again. "Almost everything?"

"Everything but the…" The rest of the sentence caught in her throat. She looked away. "The pregnancy test."

Joanne blinked. "You're…"

"Pregnant." Maureen finished.

Neither woman knew what to say after that. They simply sat there looking at each other. Finally Maureen answered the question she knew Joanne wanted to ask. "I don't know what I'm going to do." She sighed. "I have an appointment on Monday, I guess I'll talk to someone then."

"Can I come with you?" Joanne asked carefully.

Maureen blinked. "You want to come with me?"

"I want to be there to support you in whatever way I can, Baby." Joanne told her as she opened her arms to her.

Maureen hesitated but then shifted so Joanne was holding her. Finally she answered, "I'd like it if you came with me."

"Then I'll be there." Joanne said as she kissed Maureen's temple.


	5. Chapter 5

Why did doctors always make you wait forever? Maureen wondered as she sat on the exam table in one of those paper gowns. She looked down at her hands as she twisted her fingers, and nearly jumped when Joanne put her hand on her thigh. Maureen looked up and gave her girlfriend a little girl's smile. Joanne in turn gave Maureen a very reassuring smile. When there was a knock at the door they both looked up.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Johnson?" Doctor Lewis asked as she walked into the exam room.

Maureen shrugged. "Sore, achy, nauseous."

The doctor nodded and then stepped up to the bed as Joanne got out of the way. She examined Maureen and asked her questions about how she was sleeping, eating, dealing. She helped Maureen lay back and nodded approvingly as Joanne took her hand as she put Maureen's feet in stirrups.

Joanne nearly flinched at the strength Maureen used to squeeze her hand. When Maureen turned her head to hide her tears, her heart broke. If the man where ever found who did this she'd kill him. Better yet, she'd cut it off, grinned it up, then feed it to him, and then kill him.

When the doctor was finished she helped Maureen sit up. "Everything looks fine. All of your physical injuries should heal without issue. The stitches above your eye and on your shoulder, you'll have to come back to have removed in another week. The ones in your vaginal area will dissolve."

Maureen nodded and watched as the doctor filled out her chart. She felt Joanne sit behind her on the bed and she leaned back against her. She found herself wondering how Joanne could be so strong for her and so willing to stay by her side like this. She also wondered if her promise to be there would stand after Maureen made the choices she had to make.

"Doctor Keller is expecting you." Doctor Lewis said as she handed Maureen a card. "She's in the office just below us. Given the circumstances I really think you should speak with her. She specializes in counseling women on women's issues."

Meaning she was the shrink in this chic clinic that gave women their 'options' and goes over the pre-procedure check list and last minute outs. Maureen sighed as she looked down at the card. She'd been so careful sexually to avoid having to talk to a counselor like this. Finally she muttered a thanks to the doctor and agreed to set up another follow up appointment. She dressed as quickly as her sore muscles would let her and spent the whole walk out of the office staring at the card in her hand.

"Baby?" Joanne asked carefully as they waited by the elevator.

Maureen was quite for a moment longer before finally looking up. "All that talk we throw out there as liberal open minded women who insist they'd do this or that goes out the fucking window when it comes to reality."

"It's alright to feel confused, Maureen." Joanne replied as they got on the elevator. She was pleased when Maureen pressed the button for one floor down.

"I guess so but I hate it." Replied the dark haired young woman as she leaned against the wall. When the doors opened she hesitated before stepping off and heading down the hall. She hesitated again outside the office door.

Reaching over, Joanne pulled Maureen to her and held her. She could feel her lover's body tremble and simply held on until Maureen seemed stronger. She kissed the other woman's forehead when she stepped back since that was the only kind of intimate touch other then hugs and cuddles that Maureen would allow. Then she followed Maureen into the office.

"May I help you?" A young woman asked from a desk in the small waiting room.

Maureen swallowed. "I'm supposed to talk to some chic shrink."

An older woman stepped out of the open door over the desk woman's left shoulder. "You must be Maureen."

"Must be." Maureen repeated.

The older woman offered a warm smile and her hand. "I'm Lois Keller, please come in, both of you." She then offered Joanne a smile.

Joanne followed Maureen into the office and then took the seat next to her. The doctor sat in a chair across from them and she couldn't shake the feeling of being sized up.

"In cases such as these I've been allotted some information already." Keller said softly as she picked up a file and note pad. "What happens next is up to you." Her voice and features were soft and easy, hoping to put the woman at ease. "We can talk first about anything you'd like, or we can talk about what happens next, what kind of choices you have."

"I know what my options are." Maureen told her as she played with the band on her watch.

"There's abortion, just get rid of it and act as if it didn't happen until thirty years down the line it crushes me. I can carry it and then give it away. I could keep it and figure out how to look into it's face and not wonder if it looks like him or not."

"And which of those do you think you could live with?" Keller asked.

The answer, surprisingly enough, was clear. "None of them."

"So where does that leave you?" Keller asked next.

Maureen looked at the woman as if she'd clearly earned her degree from clown college. "Just as fucking confused and clueless as I was this morning, last night, yesterday morning, all fucking weekend since I heard the news."

Joanne tried not to flinch at Maureen's reply but she was honestly glad to see even a small spark of her lover's crass self.

"Your reactions to all of this are natural, Maureen." Keller said, un-phased by the woman's reply. "Each of those options has a cascade of effects that will impact the rest of your life, and the lives of the people around you." She looked pointedly at Joanne.

Maureen turned to look at Joanne as well. She was well aware that what she chose to do would affect her, them, it was part of the reason she was to scared to think. Turning back to the doctor she asked, "Are there pamphlets or something you have to give me?"

Keller knew the 'ready to bolt for the door look' well. She grabbed a folder full of the normal pamphlets and literature and handed them to Maureen. "You have to understand, Maureen, that some of your options come with time limits."

"But no pressure right?" Maureen sniped. "I mean it's only the rest of my fucking life we're talking about." She handed the folder to Joanne before getting up and heading for the door. She kept going until she reached the elevator where she stopped to wait for Joanne.

The ride home was a silent one. Maureen was lost in her thoughts and drowning in her emotions. Could she abort given the circumstances? She'd always been vocal about a woman's right to choose, and she'd always though her personal choice would have been to not place herself in the potion of choosing in the first place. Then again accidents happen, what would she do if this pregnancy had happened in a less traumatic way?

Adoption was her second option. There were plenty of people out there who'd be willing to give the baby a home, but could she give it up that easily? Could she honestly carry it inside her for nine months and then just hand it over to strangers? Could she be that unselfish?

Keeping it. When she looked into its face would she be able to simply see her child or would she see the product of her rape? Was she even fit enough to be thinking of this option? Who the hell was she to be anyone's mother?

And then there was Joanne. How would her choice affect her? Them? Joanne was pro-choice, an advocate of adoption, and she'd be a pretty good mom someday. Maureen sighed as they pulled into a parking space relatively close to their apartment. She wasn't any clearer on things then she was when she'd first gotten the call from Lewis.

"Baby?" Joanne asked as they sat in the car.

Maureen turned to look at her lover. "Hmm?"

"I know that in the end the choice is yours." Joanne said carefully. "I just want you to know that I know how hard it will be to choose and that I'll support you no matter what."

She wanted to believe her, she really did. "You say that now, but what if I make the wrong choice?"

"If you do what in your heart feels right, it won't be the wrong choice." Joanne replied. She gave Maureen a crooked half smile and then leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Maureen."


	6. Chapter 6

The clicking of Mark's projector was the only sound in the loft. Maureen sat alone in the dark watching the film her friend had created. She watched as the lives of eight people played out over a year in segments. Her life, Joanne's, their friends lives all flickered back at them from the screen. As she watched it for what was now the third time, something slowly started to dawn on her. The people on that makeshift screen weren't just friends. Collins had been right that day after the funeral. They were a family.

Mimi watched from the window as Maureen huddled on Mark and Roger's couch. Finally unable to bear the cold any longer she tapped on the window to get Maureen's attention and then flinched when the older woman jumped. She opened the window slowly and eased inside. "It's just me."

Maureen gave the girl an uneasy smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad for a girl who had a white light experience not to long ago." Mimi replied as she came over and sat on the couch with her friend. She glanced at the screen and smiled sadly. "I miss him."

Angel was on the screen when Maureen looked back up. "Me too."

The two women sat quietly until the film ended. They both got up from the couch, Maureen to see to the projector and Mimi to get the lights. "So where is everyone?" Mimi asked.

"Joanne went with Mark to tell Buzzline to take their news show and shove it up their asses." Maureen replied with a bit of a smirk. "Roger went with Collins to Life-Support."

Mimi nodded as she moved to the kitchen to make tea. She was just about to say something when Maureen interrupted her.

"Did you really see her?" Maureen asked as she put the film back in its can.

"Angel?" Mimi asked even though she knew who Maureen meant.

Maureen nodded and looked up. "Was she really there?"

Mimi nodded as she looked up at her friend. "Yeah, she was really there."

"Why?" Maureen asked as she came over to where Mimi was. "I mean, if she's up there," She pointed skyward, "And she's no longer suffering and she's happy, why bother with us?"

"Because she loves us." Mimi replied without hesitation.

Maureen bit her lip as she leaned against the table. "You really think she's watching out for us?"

Mimi came over to stand beside her friend. "I know she is."

She'd wanted to say something about what had happened that night in the ally, who she thought was there, but she was afraid no one would understand.

"Did Joanne give you the bear?" Mimi asked when the silence had lingered. She could tell that Maureen wanted to talk and she thought she'd give it a nudge.

Maureen went over to her coat and pulled the little bear from her pocket. She sat on the couch and cradled it in her hands. "She said that you said I should ask you about it."

Mimi fixed two cups of tea and brought them over to her friend. She sat them on the coffee table before reaching out and tracing one of the bear's wings. "So you gonna ask?"

The older woman simply nodded.

"Do you remember what I said at the service about the first time she and I met?" When Maureen nodded, Mimi curled up on the couch. "The skinhead she confronted was messing with me and she stepped in. I'd just runaway and was living in the park. The skinhead tried to get rough with me and Angel came to my defiance. After the skinhead realized that having a drag queen tell him off drew a crowd he ran off." A faint smile brightened her face as she went on. "When Angel found out I had no place to go she took me home with her and then got me into this place through the community center. She never gave up on me no matter how strung out or bad off I was. During one of my more strung out periods, just after I found out I was positive, I threw her out of my room. I was awful to her, I cursed her and screamed at her. The next day she showed up," She pointed to the bear. "With this little note that said now I had two angels looking out for me."

Maureen was staring at the little bear, her hands shaking a bit. Finally she admitted in a voice barely above a whisper, "I think she was there that night."

Mimi's lips did a mixed twist of a frown over what had happened to her friend, and a smile over Maureen's trust in her, to tell her this. She reached over carefully and placed her hand on Maureen's. "I know she was."

The two sat quietly for a little while longer until Maureen went to hand the bear back. "You should take her back."

"No," Mimi said as she shook her head. "You still need someone to look out for you. You keep her for me."

Maureen nodded and drew the bear to her again.

When Mark and Joanne got back to the loft, Mark offered to take everyone out to dinner using the last remnants of his Buzzline money, but Maureen wasn't up to it. She asked Joanne to take her home and hoped that everyone understood that she just couldn't handle the world at large yet.

Joanne made them a simple dinner which Maureen picked at. Pregnancy or no, the way Maureen was eating lately worried Joanne. "You need to eat a little more, Baby."

"I'm just not very hungry." Maureen answered.

"I know you don't feel up to eating, but Baby until you decided what to do your body's still being taxed by the pregnancy." Joanne reasoned. She knew this was icy ground. It had been well over a week since the doctors' appointments and Maureen hadn't said one word about the pregnancy.

Maureen got angry, though she wasn't sure why. "Stop trying to micromanage me!" She pushed herself to her feet, knocking her chair over.

"I'm not trying to micromanage you." Joanne replied calmly. Maureen's blow-ups hurt, but she understood, or at least she thought she did. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

"Why the hell is everyone suddenly fucking worried about me?" Maureen yelled back. "No one gave a shit about me before!"

This time it was Joanne who shot to her feet. "That's not true and you know it! You know damn well I worried about you, and cared about you, before any of this happened!"

"Is that why you kept walking away?" Maureen shot back.

"It's why I kept coming back!" Joanne volleyed. "It's why I will always come back!"

Maureen opened her mouth to keep the fight going but couldn't so she ran for the door, grabbed her coat and left the apartment.

Joanne ran after her and managed to get to the front doors just in time to see Maureen get into a cab. She sighed a bit of a frustrated growl and then headed back upstairs to get her own coat.

The crowds around her made Maureen tense up and flinch, and her heart stopped every time a man got to close to her, but she managed to find a place where she could stand and watch the families skating on the ice rink outside Rockefeller Center. It was one of her most favorite places in New York, and even though it was always crowed it was where she normally ended up when she wanted to be alone. She stood there watching a woman teaching her son how to ice skate and for a brief moment wondered if she'd ever get to do that with her child.

An hour or so later she was frozen yet again and more then grateful when she was handed a cup of hot chocolate. "You found me."

Joanne smiled. "To dark for the park and the theaters along Broadway haven't let out for the night yet. Besides, if you show up at the stage door of the Gershwin to try and convince the actress in that witch musical that you'd be the perfect stand by for her because you look so much like her again, she's libel to take out a restraining order."

Maureen chuckled. "You have to admit there's a resemblance."

"Na, you're much prettier." Joanne replied as she brushed long, curly, dark hair over Maureen's shoulder.

They both stood there, Joanne's arm around Maureen's shoulder, watching the people skating. Maureen finally sighed, rested her head on Joanne's shoulder and asked, "What do you see when you look at them?" She pointed to a couple and their children.

Joanne looked at them and answered honestly, "I see something we could have someday."

Maureen lifted her head to look at her lover. She searched deep, dark eyes for the truth in that statement and nearly staggered back when she saw it. "Your serious?"

"Why do you think I always got so angry with you when you'd pull you little power plays?" Joanne asked as she turned Maureen so they were facing each other. "For the first time in my life I wanted it all, the girl, the family, the happy ever after rather then just the corner office with the window and my name on the list of partners, and I wanted it with you. Only you. And every time you flirted, cheated, had one of your little fits I saw that dream chip a bit. I was so scared that it would finally crumbled under the pressure, but my heart wouldn't let it."

There were tears in Maureen's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Baby, I never knew."

Joanne smiled sadly. "You weren't ready to grow up and give up so much of yourself, I figured that out after the party."

"I'd always known that it was you I wanted forever with." Maureen whispered as she moved closer to Joanne. "I just didn't realize it until I saw you crying in the cemetery. I had what Angel had and I nearly lost it."

Very tentatively, Joanne drew Maureen into her arms and held her. "We both nearly let each other slip through our fingers. I won't let that happen again."

Maureen rested her head on Joanne's shoulder, tears making her cheeks tingle from the cold. "Even if I said I might want to have this baby?"

A weight lifted from Joanne that she hadn't even known was there. "Just another reason to hold on more tightly."

"You could love a child knowing…"

"That it was apart of you?" Joanne cut in. "With all my heart."

Maureen pulled back a little and for the first time since her attack, she kissed her girlfriend with passion. When she pulled away she sighed, "I think I need to make another appointment at the chic clinic."


	7. Chapter 7

As soon as Doctor Keller appeared in the office door Maureen wished Joanne had been able to come with her, but the doctor had asked her to come alone this time. With as much bravado as she could rally Maureen walked into the office and took a seat.

"I'm glad to see you again, Maureen." Keller said softly as she took the seat across from the young woman. "How are you feeling?"

"Better but still not great." Maureen replied.

The doctor nodded and then jumped right to it. "Does your making an appointment to see me mean that you've made a choice?"

To her own surprise there was no hesitation in Maureen's reply. "I'm going to keep the baby."

Keller raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "You're sure about this?"

Maureen nodded. "I've thought about it and thought about it and talked it to death with my girlfriend, and this is what I want."

"Tell me something." Keller said carefully as she took notes. "When you look at this child and see eyes that aren't yours, or a nose that you know no one else in your family has, or a darker skin tone, or light hair, will you be able to get past where these features have come from?"

"When I look at this child I'm going to see just that, an innocent child who had no control over its conception. I'll see my child." Maureen hoped.

The doctor took more notes. "Alright." She said before looking up at Maureen again. "And when this child comes to you and asks about it's father, asks about where it came from, what will you tell it?"

Maureen found herself becoming irritated. Was this woman trying to change her mind? Didn't she think she'd taken each of her options and picked them apart until there was only the one she was making? "I'll tell him or her that above all else he or she was wanted, and that he or she is loved. Anything more or less will all depend on when the question is asked."

"You sound as if you're pretty sure about all of this." The doctor replied with a neutral tone and expression.

"I told you I've thought a lot about this and talked it all out with my girlfriend." Maureen replied defensively. "Is there a reason your trying to make me change my mind?"

"Could I if I tried hard enough?" The doctor asked.

Maureen crossed her arms over her breasts. "No."

Keller nodded her head and made a few more notes. "You still have two more HIV tests to take before you've been completely cleared, what if…"

"I'll deal with that if there's anything to deal with." Maureen cut in. "I thought about that as well. I just lost a close friend to AIDS, I've three more who are HIV positive. It's not something I'd have over looked."

Finally Keller smiled. "I must admit, Maureen, your dealing with all of this better then I'd have thought upon our first meeting."

Maureen huffed. "I'm a lot stronger then I look." Then she sighed and sat back. "And honestly, I'm not sure I could have made any choice if I hadn't had my friends, and Joanne."

"And she's alright with this choice?" Keller asked.

A small but sweet smile lit up Maureen's face. "She loves me."

Keller smiled a little more. "It's good to have family for support, but I think it would be a good idea for you to have another form of support." She reached over to the table next to her and handed Maureen a pamphlet. "One on one counseling like this and a support group. You're about to add a lot more to your already over taxed emotional base. Not only will you be working through your rape, but now you have the addition of hormones, pending motherhood, and everything else that comes with pregnancy. Your family and friends can help to a point, but sometimes it's just better to talk to people who understand in a way they can't."

Maureen took the pamphlet and looked it over. She'd never thought of herself as the 'once a week shrink' type, but maybe the support group thing could be an option. She was sick of being scared to leave the apartment alone, of jumping at every little sound on the street, of looking into the face of every man she passes and wondering if that's him.

"I'll leave it up to you to make an appointment with me, or you're welcome to see someone else, and wither you'll come to the meeting." Keller said softly. "But you will need to make an appointment with an OB to start a prenatal routine."

"I have one after lunch." Maureen replied.

Keller nodded approvingly. "There are a couple other groups at the center you and your partner might want to check out."

Maureen nodded. "Thanks."

The doctor got to her feet as Maureen did and offered the younger woman her hand. "Congratulations, Maureen."

It was the first time anyone had said that to her and it made her smile. "Thanks."

She was still looking over the pamphlet when she walked into the little restaurant down the street from the clinic. She was going to meet Joanne there and then they'd both go to her next appointment together. She was sitting at a table when the waitress come over and smiled at her.

"Hello." The pretty blonde greeted as she came up to Maureen.

Maureen looked up from what she was reading and got an eye full of breasts. She lifted her head to look at the woman's pretty face and gave a soft hi of her own.

The waitress leaned in a little more and batted her eyes. She reached in and brushed at Maureen's dangling earrings and smiled. "Those are lovely."

There was no mistaking the beginning of a flirtation, seeing as Maureen had done it millions of times herself. "Thanks," Maureen replied as she sat back. This was her element, this was what she was good at, and yet she continued with, "they were a gift from my girlfriend."

"She has great taste." The waitress responded.

"And she's meeting me here so can I get a decaf herbal tea and when she comes a coffee, cream, two sweet-n-lows. We'll order after she gets here." Maureen smiled. "Thanks."

Joanne stood a few tables back and just blinked. Maureen just brushed off that big-busted woman who was clearly trying to flirt with her. There were no sexy little smiles, no leaning in closer, no 'innocent' brushes of fingers up an arm or at a neckline. She wasn't sure wither to run over there and kiss her or ask if she'd been replaced by a pod creature.

Once the waitress was gone Maureen went back to reading what the doctor had given her. When she heard her name called out a few moments later she jumped.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Joanne said as she watched Maureen get to her feet.

"It's ok, Pookie." Maureen replied as she hugged the other woman. "I'm just jumpy naturally these days."

Joanne slid into the chair across from her after Maureen sat back down. "How'd your appointment go?"

"Ok I guess." Maureen replied as she handed the pamphlet to Joanne. "She wants me to go to one of those groups, and she said there might be one for you too."

A dark brow raised as Joanne looked over the list of groups and their intro-statements.

"You don't have to or anything." Maureen slipped in after seeing Joanne's reaction.

Joanne shook her head and put the paper down so she could take Maureen's hand. "No, I think it might be a good idea actually."

"Really?" Maureen asked.

"Yes, really." Joanne smiled softly.

When the waitress brought over Maureen's tea and Joanne's coffee, she checked the new woman over before huffing. "Are you ready to order?"

Joanne was thrilled. Through the remainder of their lunch Maureen didn't rise to the waitress's bait once. When they stepped out of the restaurant she slipped her hand into Maureen's. They walked back down the street to the clinic and waited silently to be called.

Blood was taken, weight was checked, diet discussed, prescriptions handed out, and another appointment made. Over all it wasn't as bad as Maureen had expected. "If they're going to poke me every time I come in my arms' going to be Swiss cheese." She pouted as they headed for the pharmacy near the apartment.

Taking the arm with the cotton ball-medical tape band-aide, Joanne kissed it gently. "I happen to be rather found of Swiss cheese."

Maureen rolled her eyes and smirked. When the pharmacist handed her the little white paper bag full of pre-nates, Maureen suddenly realized something. "We'll need to tell everyone."

Joanne nodded as they headed home. "As soon as your ready too."

"Soon, but for now I just want to keep it between us." Maureen replied.

"That's fine, Baby." Joanne put her arm around Maureen's waist. "We'll keep it just between the three of us."

"Three of us?" Maureen asked with a smirk.

Joanne laughed. "You, me, and baby bear."


	8. Chapter 8

She knew it had to hit sooner or later, but at least the early pregnancy test had prepared her for it. As Maureen sat on the bathroom floor waiting for her stomach to settle back into place, she looked down at her flat tummy. "Ok kid you and me need to talk." She placed a hand over her stomach and began to rub soft circles over it. "See you don't know this yet, but I hate being sick. It makes me grumpy and whiny and then that makes Pookie grumpy. Plus, if I'm in the bathroom all morning throwing up then I can't get ready for work, and I really need to get back to work. Babies are expensive ya know and we can't lay the whole thing at Pookie's feet, she and I are a team ya know."

As her nausea passed Maureen carefully climbed to her feet and slowly made her way to the sink, avoiding any sudden movements. "That reminds me, there will be no playing us off each other, but we can cover that later." She continued. "Back to my getting my ass, err, butt, behind? Bottom?" Maureen crinkled her nose. "Getting myself back to work. See, I'm a performer, I sing and act, but don't worry Pookie's the one you can look up to when it comes to having a real job. Pookie's the stable one. Anyway, I needed to get back out there. How can I be what you need me to be if I can't even leave the damn, darn, dang," She growled softly, "apartment."

Joanne stood outside the bathroom door listening to the one sided conversation with a smile on her face. She covered her mouth and bit back a giggle every time Maureen called her Pookie and half wondered if that's what the baby was going to call her. As she listened she found herself falling in love all over again with the brash, frustrating, amazing woman whose one sided conversation was quickly turning into a sampling of her musical prowess. Stepping into the room she leaned against the door with her arms crossed over her breasts. "A bottle of bourbon and half a chicken huh?"

Maureen jumped. "Pookie! Don't do that!"

The darker woman laughed as she walked over and wrapped her arms around Maureen. "Sorry."

She leaned in and kissed Maureen's forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Maureen replied. "Icky, but better."

"So I take it you've got plans for today?" Joanne asked as she let Maureen go.

Maureen nodded as she went back to getting ready. Without any hesitation what-so-ever she stripped off her night shirt and panties and climbed into the shower. "I'm going back to the show."

Joanne smiled proudly. It had been a long time since Maureen willingly allowed her to see her naked. "Do you want me to come home at lunch to pick you up and drop you off at the theater?"

This time the slightly younger woman did hesitate. She wasn't sure she could handle the subway, but since that evening at the ice rink she'd been doing a little better around people. She even managed to walk with Joanne to the café and not see a rapist in every male face she passed. "Yes please."

It was taking a lot for Joanne to not get undressed and join her lover in the shower. It had been one of their favorite things to do together, but despite the return of full kisses, which Maureen always initiated, Maureen wasn't ready to be intimate in any way. She hadn't even managed to go back to wearing her skimpy barely their nighties, opting to wear Joanne's button up dress shirts instead. "Alright. Do you think you could stomach something light to eat?"

"No," Maureen shouted over the water. "But I should try."

"I'll go make breakfast." Joanne replied before slipping out of the bathroom. She put water on for tea, made half the amount of coffee she normally would have, and placed bread in the toaster. By the time she heard Maureen coming she'd placed decaf peppermint tea and dry toast on the table.

Maureen beamed as she sat in her chair at the table. "Your to good to me, Pookie."

Joanne kissed the top of her lover's still wet head. "I know."

Both women laughed as Joanne sat down to have her coffee and carrot muffin. After breakfast Joanne went to the bedroom to get Maureen's vitamins. She handed the woman her pre-nates and nearly laughed at the instant pout. "Come on you have to take it."

"But why is it so big?" Maureen whined. "What do they think I am a cow?"

She couldn't hold back the smirk that crossed her face as Maureen downed the pill with a glass of water. "Well you do have a rather realistic moo."

Maureen huffed as she got up and stomped into the bedroom.

Once the door was closed Joanne laughed and then headed for the bathroom for her own shower.

That afternoon when they pulled up in front of the small theater were Maureen was performing she made no move to open the car door. She sat there looking down at her trembling hands. She kept trying to tell herself that she would be safe inside, that she knew everyone in the cast and crew, and that no one would hurt her.

"Baby?" Joanne asked as she reached over and put her hand on Maureen's.

Maureen jumped and then sighed. "I'm fine." She took a couple of deep breaths and then pasted on her best smile. "I'm fine." She repeated. "See you after the show?"

Joanne smiled, leaning in and kissed the other woman's forehead. "I'll be there." She watched as Maureen opened the door and swung her legs out. "I love you, Honeybear."

"I love you too, Pookie." Maureen threw over her shoulder as she got out. She paused just outside the stage door, took another breath, and then walked in determined to act as if nothing had ever happened.

As soon as Maureen walked in there was a burst of energy that engulfed her. There was just something almost healing about walking into a theater to get ready for a show. With a stride she hadn't had since her attack, Maureen headed for the small dressing room she shared with the other main actress.

"Maureen!" The tall redhead beamed when Maureen walked in. "I'm so glad your back!"

Maureen smiled at the woman. "Trust me Kelly, I'm glad to be back."

"Everything ok?" Kelly asked. "Chris didn't tell us much, just that you were out medically."

Maureen was thankful for that. She hadn't explained in detail to her director what had happened, but he seemed to understand it had been something out of her control. "Yeah, everything'll be fine. Say, how was Melanie?"

Kelly turned back to her mirror to finish stuffing her hair into a wig cap. "She did well, took her a show or two to relax but for her first time out of the gate she did great."

That was a relief to Maureen. Her young understudy was about to get a lot more stage time, because there was no way she'd be able to keep going with the pregnancy. The role wasn't physically taxing, but it would be hard to explain the character's sudden baby belly.

"…his name is Cooper."

Pulling herself from her thoughts Maureen looked over at her friend. "Whose name is Cooper?"

"The new male lead's." Kelly answered.

Maureen blinked. "We have a new lead?"

Kelly nodded her head and explained that Brian, the old male lead, nailed a part in the ensemble of a touring cast of a major production and that Cooper Devens was now their leading man.

"Wonderful." Maureen sighed. "I get to try out the new guy live on stage."

"Welcome to the theater sugar." Kelly said with a chuckle.

Both women laughed as they finished getting ready for the show. It surprised Maureen that this Cooper guy hadn't stopped by to say hello to her, given the fact that she was about to go on stage with him as her love interest, but maybe he was just one of those types who didn't mingle before a show. As she left her dressing room and headed for the stage she could feel herself leaving Maureen behind and she knew that by the time she was waiting for her cue, she'd be her character.

Sitting in the audience Joanne watched with pride as Maureen worked the stage. She had to admit, despite the fuss she made over Maureen's performance/protest pieces, the woman belonged on a stage. She'd seen the show several times now and knew how everything went, and seeing Maureen reach past her fears to play the part made her even more proud. It also gave her the insight to know something was wrong. The actor playing opposite to Maureen set off something in the back of her mind and maybe it was just that she hadn't worked with him before, but he seemed to make Maureen edgy at times.

Maureen's heart felt as if it were beating so hard and so fast as she knelt in the bed on stage, that it was actually painful. When Cooper grabbed her and kissed her it was all she could do not to push him away. When the curtain fell at the end of act one she all but bolted from the stage.

Thankfully Cooper didn't follow her to see why she'd run. She paced in her dressing room taking deep breaths until she felt herself regain control. Then she got ready for the second act. She was a little more on edge but Maureen managed to get through the second act just fine. She even enjoyed the welcome back she got on stage. She was still smiling when she made it back to her dressing room where Joanne was waiting.

"That was great, Baby." Joanne beamed as she hugged her lover tightly.

Maureen held Joanne a little tighter then the moment called for and her body began to tremble.

"Baby?" Joanne asked as she held a little tighter too. "To much too soon?"

"Just a little shaky, I'm ok." Maureen replied. When she finally let go she asked Joanne to stay while she changed. She didn't stick around to long afterwards. She just wanted to get home.

Cooper Devens stood in the wings of the theater watching as Maureen left. He smiled to himself before heading to his dressing room to change.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Cooper appeared in the doorway of Maureen's dressing room, just after she'd emptied her stomach for the third time that day, she jumped at the sudden sound of his voice.

"Are you always on edge like that?" Cooper asked with a smirk on his clean shaven face.

Maureen swallowed. "Not normally."

"You look a little pale, you ok?" The leading man asked as he walked further into the room.

Suddenly being alone with a man she didn't know in a small space was one hundred times worse then seeing men everywhere in a crowd. She picked up her water bottle and took a small sip as she made her way to the back of her dressing room as if she were grabbing a costume. "Bit of a bug." She replied to his question while making a mental note to apologize to the kid for calling it a bug every time someone asked if she were well.

"Anything I gotta worry about, seeing as how I get to kiss you every night?" He plopped himself down in one of the chairs in the room and draped an arm over the back.

Maureen actually snorted. "Trust me it's not something I can pass on."

Cooper smiled. "Good to know. Cooper Devens by the way."

"I know, I get to kiss you every night remember." Maureen replied with a touch of her normal wit. "Maureen Johnson."

The tall dark haired, light eyed, man pushed himself out of the chair and headed for the door. "Always nice to know the name of the woman in your bed." He smiled at her and then left.

Maureen blinked.

"So I see you got to finally meet Cooper." Kelly teased as she came in.

Maureen nodded. "He's weird."

Kelly laughed. "You've no idea."

After the show Cooper was again leaning in the doorway of Maureen's dressing room. "You had garlic for lunch." She teased as she approached.

Cooper blocked her way past. "Enjoy it?"

Maureen stopped dead in her tracks, her body feeling cold and numb. "What?"

"Did you enjoy the garlic?" He laughed.

It took a moment for her to remember how to speak. Something struck something inside her and her whole body felt as if it were a huge funny bone she'd just slammed into a table edge. "I… I don't like garlic." She finally got out.

"So noted." Cooper replied. "So, coffee once we're cleaned up?"

Maureen blinked and then shook her head a bit to clear it. "No thanks."

Cooper refused to let her pass. "Why not?"

"Because my girlfriend and a couple of our friends are waiting for me." Maureen replied as she began to get ticked. "So if you'll excuse me."

He still didn't move. "Girlfriend? As in a friend who's a girl or as in someone who shares your bed?"

"As in the person who shares my soul." Maureen answered, surprising herself in the process. Yes she'd always known she loved Joanne, but she was finally starting to realize they were so much more.

Cooper held up his hands and moved out of the doorway. "Hey I'm cool with that. So I'll see you Tuesday, enjoy your day off."

Maureen watched Cooper walk away and then shivered. Dashing into her dressing room she changed quickly. The gang had come to the show and everyone was going to the Life Café, Maureen had decided that morning it was time to tell them they're numbers were about to grow by one.

When the waiter came over to their tables and asked for their order in a traditional course everyone but Maureen called out, "Wine and beer!"

"I'll have a ginger ale with a wedge of lime." She said as she looked up the boy with a soft smile.

Four heads all turned in Maureen's direction, eight pairs off eyes looked at her as if she'd just grown another set of arms.

"What?" She asked.

"Since when do you drink ginger ale?" Mark asked.

Maureen glanced at Joanne before looking at her friends. "Since I found out I was pregnant."

It seemed as if the whole café had gone quiet but it was merely Mark, Roger, Collins and Mimi who froze. Each lost in the news they'd just heard. Finally it was Mimi who broke the stillness. "Pregnant?"

"It was the only test that came back positive." Maureen replied. "Everything else came back clean and clear."

The creepy stillness was back.

After a few moments Maureen finally added, "This is going to be a good thing, guys."

"You're going to keep it?" Mark asked. It was odd to think of Maureen being a mother and even more odd thinking of her doing it without him, and in this way.

Maureen nodded. "Despite the way I got this way, this baby's apart of me, and Joanne and I are going to do this together."

A huge bright smile lit up Collins' face as he stood up and held his mug of beer over his head as he yelled out, "I'm gonna be an uncle, bitches!"

Mimi jumped up and dashed over to Maureen, hugging her tightly, while Roger put an arm around Joanne's shoulders. "I get to be cool uncle Roger."

"That makes me tiíta Mimi." Mimi beamed.

Maureen watched Mark carefully. He didn't look as thrilled. "That leaves uncle Marky?"

Mark looked at her, the last thin string of anything other then friendship snapping loudly in his head and heart. Finally he nodded. "Uncle Marky."

Later that night as she lay in bed looking at the ceiling Maureen couldn't get the look on Mark's face out of her mind. Nor could she get the ickyness of Cooper out of her thoughts. When was all the drama going to finally end? She sighed and continued to look up at the ceiling until she felt Joanne climb into bed. Reaching for her lover's hand, Maureen pulled her close and wrapped the strong arm around herself. Once she was snuggled safely in Joanne's arms she finally closed her eyes, though sleep was still a couple hours off.


	10. Chapter 10

The cold and stench covered her like a blanket as the weight on top of her pressed down over and over again. Something cold and hard was pressed to her temple while hard, bruising lips captured hers in a rough kiss. She struggled but couldn't move, couldn't stop what was going on. Tears flowed from the corners of her closed eyes like rivers as a soft voice whispered to her.

"I'm here honey." She begged for it to stop but there was just more pain. "Be strong, chica." She felt warmth wrap around her, holding her tightly, safely.

She felt the weight lifting, the mouth pulling away, him pulling out, leaving her broken and empty. She heard the sound of a zipper, it echoed in the ally, and then she felt him near her again. He caressed her trembling lips. "Enjoy it?"

Maureen bolted upright in bed soaked with cold sweat. She looked around the dark room and couldn't figure out where she was. When she felt a hand on her arm she scampered out of the bed and into a corner trembling like a scared rabbit, screaming, begging to be left alone, asking not to be hurt anymore.

"Maureen?" Joanne said firmly though sleepily as she turned on her bedside lamp. The sight of her Maureen cuddled in the corner broke her heart and wounded her soul. Getting out of bed she walked over and turned on the main light and then carefully approached her trembling girlfriend. "Honeybear?" She opted to use her term of endearment to see if that would snap the other woman out of it. "Honeybear, it's ok, you're safe."

The dream had felt so real but as Maureen looked up at Joanne she realized it was just that, a dream. "Pookie?"

"Yeah baby, I'm here." As soon as Maureen uncurled herself and opened her arms Joanne went to her.

Once she was held tightly in her lover's arms Maureen began to sob.

Joanne simply sat there on the floor holding Maureen while she sobbed and shook. This had clearly been the worse of the nightmares by far. When Maureen settled down Joanne wiped her sweat damp hair from her face and looked into terrified eyes. "Maureen sweetie, what was that?"

"I remembered more." Maureen answered in a scared whisper. She clung to Joanne as if she were drowning. "There, there was a gun." She touched her temple where the gun had been pressed. "And he, he said something." She buried her face in Joanne's chest. "He asked if I, if I enjoyed it."

"Oh baby." Joanne held a little more tightly and kissed the top of Maureen's head.

Neither woman went back to sleep, but they did make it back to the bed. Joanne held Maureen while she worked through whatever was going through her head, and she pictured all the things she'd do to the man who'd hurt her love if given five minutes alone with him.

"Baby you need to call the detective to tell her what you remembered." Joanne said later that morning as they sat at the table.

Maureen hadn't said a word since she'd told Joanne what she'd remembered. "Alright."

Joanne hated this; she hated seeing Maureen so broken. She sighed as she went for her lover's pre-nates. She sighed again when Maureen didn't make a fuss over taking them. "Do you want me to come get you to take you to the theater at lunch?"

"No." Maureen replied after downing the pill. "I'll take a cab. I'm ok, Baby." She slowly got to her feet and hugged the other woman. "I'll be fine. You should get ready for work."

Watching Maureen move to the window Joanne just shook her head and went to get ready for work.

After calling the detective and telling her about what she remembered, Maureen got ready to head to the theater. Being able to slip out of her own life for a few hours every night gave her the break she needed. Though she really missed Brian, Cooper was just so odd. She was edgy as she hailed a cab and nearly decided to walk to the theater, but changed her mind after looking down at the heeled boots she'd put on. She was relived when the cabbie who pulled over to pick her up was a woman.

As was his habit now, Cooper was waiting for Maureen in front of her dressing room. "So I thought I'd catch you before the show tonight to ask if you wanted to go have coffee with me."

"And you figured my answer would change why?" Maureen asked as she slipped into her dressing room.

"Ya know it's not uncommon for cast members to hang out after the show." Cooper said as he flopped into a chair. "Or doesn't your 'partner' allow you out to play?"

Maureen didn't like the way he said partner. "Depends on the game."

Cooper smirked. "Given the way you kiss me I'm thinking you're ready for the game to change."

"It's called acting." Maureen replied as she began to unpack her make-up bag. "I'd kiss a bull frog that way if the role called for it."

Pushing himself out of his chair Cooper moved closer to Maureen. "There's always some bit of the character that you connect with. It's what makes a good actor."

"Your right," Maureen managed to reply. Her heart was pounding and her breath caught in her lungs. "The scene in act two when I shoot you is a strong moment for me."

Cooper laughed, his breath caressing the back of Maureen's neck. "See you on stage."

Once he was gone Maureen slumped into the chair in front of the mirror. Her pulse was racing and she felt dizzy.

"Hey you ok, kiddo?" Kelly asked when she arrived. "You look paler than milk."

Maureen took a deep breath and nodded. "It's just been a hellish day."

"You good to go on?" The redhead asked as she pulled a bottle of water from her bag and handed it to Maureen.

"Yeah," Maureen answered. "I want to do as many shows as I can. I'll be leaving the show early."

Kelly frowned as she sat next to her friend. "How come? Did you get a better gig too? I'm starting to get jealous."

For the first time all day Maureen smiled. "It's the best gig of all." She told her friend after making sure their door was closed. "I'm gonna be a mom."

Bright blue eyes widened and sparkled. "That's wonderful! I didn't even know you and Joanne were trying. So since your leaving I take it your carrying?"

Maureen nodded and then accepted the hug her friend gave her. She wanted to ask the other woman if Cooper hit on her too, but she didn't have a chance. They had to finish getting ready.

The show that night was a little off. Maureen couldn't get comfortable around Cooper. The more time he spent in her personal space the more he creeped her out. She was in her dressing room changing back into her street clothes when the door swung open.

"What the fuck was wrong with you tonight?" Cooper asked as he advanced on her.

Maureen froze. "What?"

"You made me look like shit out there!" He yelled at her. "No one makes me look bad! Pull your shit together!"

Maureen was paralyzed with fear and barely noticed when Cooper was pulled away from her.

Roger had heard the raised voice half way down the hall and ran the rest of the way to Maureen's dressing room. When he saw the man towering over her he acted before thinking. He pulled the man away from her and threw him into a wall.

Cooper slammed hard into the wall, knocking the things that were hung on it off, and then pushed himself off of it as he propelled himself towards Roger. He'd put to much into it and when Roger moved, pulling Maureen out of the way, Cooper slammed into the make-up table.

Roger pushed Maureen behind him, his face flushed, his breathing heavy. "Leave her alone, asshole!"

Cooper lunged forward as if he were going to hit Roger and then suddenly started laughing. He shook his head and threw up his hands before leaving.

Once he was sure the creep was gone Roger turned to Maureen who was shaking and looked sicker then he did on his worse days. "Mo, you ok?" Maureen just stood there in shock and shook. "Damnit."

"What happened?" Kelly demanded as she came in.

"That asshole had Mo pinned." Roger told the woman as he took his jacket off to once again wrap around his friend.

Kelly came over and took Maureen's hands. "Sweetie, are you alright? Did he hurt you? Is the baby ok?"

Maureen snapped out of it enough to place her arms around her abdomen. "Yea, yeah I think so."

"I'm takin' her home." Roger told the redhead.

"Yeah, sure of course." Kelly said as she rubbed Maureen's arms through the leather. "I'll call you in the morning ok, kiddo?"

Maureen simply nodded as she let Roger lead her out. They were half way down the street and waiting for a cab before she finally asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Jo had to work late. I told her I'd come get you." Roger told her as he hailed a cab.

She looked at her friend oddly before nodding. "Thanks."

He knew that was for more then just coming to get her. "No big deal, guy's gotta look out for his girls in this shity world."

That made Maureen smile.

Just as she was climbing into the cab she thought she saw Cooper coming out of the stage door. He was wearing an old beat up jacket and a baseball cap. Her mind flashed back and she suddenly felt the need to throw up. She barely made it to the trashcan in time.

Roger wasn't sure how he managed but he got Maureen home. He even made tea while she showered and changed. He helped himself to a corona from the fridge as he waited around and swore when he grabbed the hot handle of the teakettle.

"That gets hot." Maureen teased as she came out of the bedroom in one of Joanne's dress shirts.

"Thank you Ms Stating-the-obvious." Roger grumped back. He picked up a potholder as he reached for the kettle again. He poured hot water over the tea bag in Maureen's Bugs Bunny mug.

Maureen smiled as she took the mug which Roger had added sugar too. "You didn't have to hang around, thanks, again."

Roger shrugged before drawing from his bottle of beer. "Didn't seem right to leave you alone after what happened. What happened?"

"He freaked." Maureen stated rather obviously again. "I had an off night and he went postal." She began to tremble. "If I weren't so damned fucked up I'd have nailed him in the nuts, but all I did was fucking freeze like a goddamned deer about to be hit by a fucking mac truck."

"Your not fucked up." Roger told her as she settled on the couch and he perched on the back of an armchair, his feet resting on the seat cushion. "You're just, I don't know, temporally out of order, that's all. It might not seem like it but you'll be even stronger then before when it's all said and done."

Maureen smiled at him while breathing in the scent of the tea. "And here I thought I was a pain in your tight jean clad ass."

Roger smirked. "You are a pain in my tight jean clad ass, but I guess that happens when you see someone in certain ways."

"And how do you see me?" Maureen asked, intrigued.

Roger shrugged, a tiny smile on his lips, and a blush to his ears. "Like an annoying pain in the ass little sister."

Maureen squealed as she got to her feet and charged her friend. She hugged him fiercely and then kissed his cheek. "Does this mean I get to borrow my big brother's cook ass jacket?"

"Only if you can figure out how to change a diaper with broken fingers." Roger replied.

Maureen giggled.


	11. Chapter 11

Maureen was determined to finish out her run in the show no matter how much Joanne fussed about her working with that idiot. Roger had explained what happened the night he brought her home, and Maureen couldn't remember ever seeing Joanne so angry, not even after the scene she caused at their commitment party. Since that night her lover had been more anal then normal, but it only slightly flustered Maureen. She was starting to understand that this was one of the ways Joanne showed how much she loved Maureen.

She finally got Joanne to chill when she agreed to let someone stay with her back stage. She was already cutting her run short because of the pregnancy; she wasn't going to let Cooper Devens spoil what time she had left. Luckily Cooper left her alone. He went back to ignoring her before and after the show, which was just fine with her.

On her last night the director called everyone together before the show started. Once the cast and crew were together he put an arm around Maureen. "Ok guys, some of you may know this already and some may not, but tonight's going to be Maureen's last night."

There was a collective 'awww' from the crowd with the exception of Cooper who hung towards the back.

"Normally I'd have tried to talk her out of leaving early but her reason for leaving it pretty damn good." Chris beamed at his friend. "Our passion child's going to be a mother."

There was a loud crash as Cooper stumbled, knocking a bunch of props over, but no one seemed to notice as they all hugged and congratulated Maureen. He glared hatefully at her before storming away.

"What's his problem?" Maureen asked Kelly in a hushed whisper.

Kelly just shrugged. "Who the hell knows with that one."

Their conversation was cut off when Chris announced there'd be a party after the show causing the cast and crew to cheer.

After the show everyone, including the gang who'd all come down to see Maureen's last show, went to the restaurant down the street from the theater. Chris had rented out the party room in the back and everyone else had pitched in to keep the food and drink coming. Maureen was standing with her friends, Kelly, Chris, and a couple of the others including Melanie who would be taking over her role full time. They were all laughing and wishing Maureen and Joanne the best when the door burst open.

Cooper swaggered in and joined the party wordlessly. It wasn't until everyone was nearly gone that he came over to Maureen and her group. As soon as she saw him she lost all color. He was wearing an old jacket with a rip in the shoulder and a baseball cap with a strange logo. She began to tremble. Cooper was smiling as he approached Maureen. Both Joanne and Roger moved closer to her.

"You should have warned me." He drawled as he got as close as he could. "I could have broken in my new love interest before you left me."

Maureen's eyes were hollow and glued to the baseball cap, which drew Joanne's attention. There was a leaping deer on it and the name of some unknown college. A baseball logo Maureen didn't know. "Son of a fucking bitch." Joanne breathed.

The look on their women's faces was all the men needed. Collins reached out with a snake like strike and quickly wrapped his hand around the man's throat. "You sick son of a…"

Despite being out numbered Cooper fought back. The fight broke out instantly and Cooper soon found himself taking on Collins, Roger, and even Mark.

Joanne tossed her cell phone to Mimi. "Call 911 and tell them we need Detective Martin too."

She then pulled Maureen out of the way. She quickly explained what she could to Kelly and Chris and they cleared out anyone who was left. It took Mark, Mimi, and Joanne to pull Roger off Cooper. When the police showed up Collins simply dropped the man in front of them like a sack of trash.

"What's going on?" One of the uniformed officers asked.

Joanne stepped up. "That piece of shit is a rapist."

Cooper laughed as he spit blood from his mouth. "Lying bitch."

One of the officers helped him to his feet but kept a grip on him. "Who'd he allegedly attack?"

Before her girlfriend could speak up Maureen stepped forward on shaky legs. "Me, about three months ago."

"You just now turnin' this in?" The officer asked.

"No," Came a voice from behind them. Detective Martin stepped into the room. "She reported it the night it happened." She looked at the man the uniform was holding and then walked over to Maureen. "Maureen?"

Maureen tore her eyes away from Cooper. "The hat." She croaked. "It's the one I saw I know it is."

Detective Martin talked to everyone at the scene after having Cooper sent to her precinct. Joanne sent Maureen home with Mimi while she went to take care of the guys' assault and public brawling charges. Maureen was simply numb. The night of the attack and every slimly moment spent with Cooper passed through her mind.

"I know it's not easy," Mimi said as she handed Maureen a glass of water. "But you need to relax a little, Mo. Stressing isn't good for the baby."

Maureen sighed as she stared out the window watching for Joanne. All these months and she'd been on stage with the man who'd raped her all along. It seemed so unreal; the whole situation seemed too unreal. How could she have not known? How could she have kissed him night after night and not noticed it was the same lips, the same mouth? She felt stupid, she felt dirty all over again. It also made her sick to think that that sick fuck was the father of her child.

Mimi watched as Maureen dashed to the bathroom and followed her. She held her friend's hair back as she retched into the toilet. When Maureen finally sat back against the bathtub, Mimi got a washcloth, wet it, and wiped the sweat from Maureen's face.

After getting the guys released Joanne finally made her way home. She was a little alarmed when she didn't find anyone in the living room and then followed the sound of running water. "Oh baby." She said softly as she entered the bathroom.

Maureen looked up for a moment, but she couldn't look at Joanne. When her lover came over to hold her Maureen pushed her away. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she pushed to her feet and bolted from the bathroom, locking herself in the bedroom.

Joanne blinked.

"She's really messed up right now, Jo." Mimi said comfortingly as she helped Jo up. "Give her a little time to sort her head out."

The darker woman sighed. "This is only going to get harder."

"Yes, but Mo's made of some pretty tough stuff." Mimi replied as they walked back into the living room. "So are you."

In the bedroom Maureen was curled into a ball in the center of the bed. She was eerily still on the outside but inside she was battling a lot of demons.

Joanne slept on the couch in the living after finding the door still locked several hours later. She woke up the next morning groaning. They really needed a new couch, she thought before the night before came back to her. She jumped to her feet and heading for the bedroom, but stopped when she saw Maureen standing by the window. She walked over to her lover carefully.

The two women just stood there, close but not touching, and watched the morning hustle of the city. It was Maureen who finally broke the silence. "How could I have not known?"

Joanne carefully wrapped her arms around Maureen. "The theater, the stage, they were safe places for you, Baby."

"I never thought I'd be hurt there." There were tears rolling down Maureen's cheeks.

"And that sick bastard will pay for what he did." Joanne promised.

Maureen snuggled against her and then nearly smiled when she felt Joanne's hand on her stomach. "I'll do what ever I need to, to see he's put away. This isn't just about what he did to me, Joanne, I want the man as far from our baby as possible."


	12. Chapter 12

Just when it seemed that winter was never going to end the first signs of spring started to appear. Maureen wondered if it was odd that her first hint of spring was coming from a cemetery, but the more she thought about it the more she figured it was sort of fitting. Pulling her gaze away from the budding flowers peaking from beneath the snow, she turned to look at Angel's headstone.

"The lawyers rested their cases." She said softly as she wrapped her arms around herself. "It's all in the hands of the jury now."

Cooper had been charged with rape. The prosecution had discovered that two other women who had co-started with Cooper in two separate community theater productions had also been raped shortly before Cooper had joined the cast, just as Maureen had been. They also provided evidence that Cooper had been watching Maureen for several days before the attack, and had used her medical records and rape kit from the ER to further prove their case. But their biggest weapon was the prenatal paternity test, which had proven Cooper was her baby's father. What had rallied the prosecution had made Maureen physically ill. She was falling in love with this tiny being inside her, but she hated that this scum had helped create it.

On the other side of the room, the defense was relying heavily on the fact that Maureen had identified him on the basis of his baseball cap. They had also brought up the fact that Maureen had been on stage with him every night for several weeks and that she only pointed a finger at Cooper when Cooper had turned down her advances.

That had pissed off not only Maureen and Joanne, but their friends and all of Maureen's supporters as well. Not only had the gang showed up everyday to be there for Maureen, but members of her rape survivor support group had come too. It had been a good and bad thing for Maureen. She was grateful for their support, but it had torn her up to have them all there while the defense had her on the stand.

"Ms. Johnson, how many sexual partners have you had in the past two years?"

"Objection!" The prosecutor jumped up. "A victim's sexual history is irrelevant!"

"I'll rephrase the question." The defense said quickly before the judge could rule. "Ms. Johnson, is it true that during your last two relationships you've cheated several times, and that in fact your current," He looked over his shoulder at Joanne and sneered, "partner was one of the people you cheated with before eventually cheating on her as well?"

Before anyone could say a word, Maureen answered, "No it's not. I didn't sleep with her until after I'd left my ex-boyfriend."

Maureen wasn't sure what had hurt worse, the defense trying to paint her as a cheating whore, or the look of shock and surprise on her friend's faces. Did they see her the way the defense had painted her? Was it really so hard to believe that Joanne had been different? From the moment she'd met the woman, Maureen knew there was something more there, something real.

"I don't know if I could have gotten though this without her." She told Angel. "She's been the strong one for both of us. I'm grateful for that, but also a little resentful. God, Ang, I hate feeling so weak and helpless. That just isn't me." She sighed as she rubbed her just visible baby bump. "My shrink, yes I'm seeing a shrink, says that taking the stand was a huge step in getting myself back, not that I'll ever be that Mo again."

No one knew, or if they did they never said anything, but Maureen had started coming to talk to Angel once a week since that night at the party. It had always been easy to talk to Angel. She never judged, never used what she said against her. She just listened and offered advice.

"God Angel I miss you." Maureen wiped away tears she hadn't realized she'd been shedding. "I wish you were here. I know Mimi says you're still with us, and I know you are, but I want all of you, I want you really really here. You'd be getting such a kick out of this pregnancy thing. We have an appointment next week to do the first sonogram and we get to listen to the heartbeat. This all still seems so surreal, ya know. I mean whoever thought of me being a mother? I'm hardly an adult."

Maureen talked for a little while longer about everything that had been running through her head, and then when she felt like she'd worked out what she could she simply sat there. Not that she'd have told anyone, but she always felt as if in these quite moments alone, just sitting on the stone bench, Angel was sitting with her.

She was so lost in the stillness that she jumped when her cell phone rang. Her hands trembled as she opened it and held it to her ear. "Hello?"

"The jury is coming back, Honeybear. You need to come back now." Joanne's voice told her.

"I'll be right there, Pookie." Maureen replied. She flipped the phone closed and put it back in her jacket pocket. "It's time, Angel. I'm actually scared."

As she got up and headed back towards the street to hail a cab she thought she heard Angel's voice. "It'll be alright, chica. I promise."

Maureen felt ill the whole ride back to the courthouse. What if something went wrong and he got off? What if the jury believed Cooper's slimly lawyer when he told them the night the baby was conceived had been consensual? What if they saw her as that cheating whore who was probably asking for it? It was a good thing that Joanne and Roger were waiting for her when the taxi pulled up, because her knees had turned to jelly and they had to help her out of the car.

"Maureen?" Joanne asked with concern.

"I'm fine." Maureen replied with a weak smile. "I was playing what ifs."

Joanne frowned. "Baby you know you need to watch your stress."

Maureen glared at her lover. How the hell was she supposed to do that in the middle of a rape trial when she was the victim?

"Right." Joanne said sheepishly as she and Roger walked Maureen inside.

Just like everyday of the trial the courtroom was full of people supporting Maureen, and a handful of people there for Cooper. His family had given Maureen such looks that she'd be six feet under if looks could kill. When the judge came in everyone stood until he sat down. Then the jury came in. Suddenly time felt as if it had stopped. Then Maureen was watching everything as if it were in slow motion. The judge asked the jury if they'd reached a verdict, the bailiff took a piece of paper from the foremen and took it to the judge who read it, the bailiff then took it back to the foreman. She watched as Cooper and his lawyer stood up and then she closed her eyes.

"Guilty."

Maureen's eyes flew open. They'd just said guilt right? She looked over at Cooper who looked pissed as he was being hand cuffed, his mother in tears, and then she looked at Joanne who wrapped her arms around Maureen. Once in the safety of her lover's arms Maureen's whole body relaxed and she began to cry. She felt as if the Empire State Building had just been lifted off her chest and she could finally breath again.

The gang wanted to head over to the Life to celebrate, but Maureen simply wanted to go home. She'd never felt so tired before. Collins said it was because carrying the world on her shoulders had worn her out. She'd tried to smile at the big man but she'd been too tired to mange even that. When she and Joanne got home they had a light dinner and Maureen went right to bed where Joanne cuddled her until she woke up at three am. Easing out of her lover's arms, Maureen padded into the living room and was once again standing by the window looking out over the street.

"It's really over?" She whispered into the darkness.

"It's really over, chica."

Tears welled in her eyes. "But he can get out."

"It's over. You're safe, honey. I promise."

"We're safe." She repeated as she put her hands over her belly.

"I'll always have your back, chica."

Maureen smiled, her tears happy ones. "I can enjoy this now." She pressed one hand to the glass and whispered. "Thank you, Angel."

"I'm watching out for all of you, mi familia."


	13. Chapter 13

The room filled with a quick paced stead beat. It was the most beautiful sound in the entire world. It was more beautiful than a nightingale's song, more emotional than a Broadway ballad, more calming than waves on the shore. It was the sound of her baby's heart beating. Maureen looked up at Joanne who was listening with her eyes close, tears on her glittering on her laces under the to bright florescent light. Reaching up Maureen brushed her fingers along her lover's cheek and smiled. Suddenly this all felt real. She was pregnant, she and Joanne were together, and they were going to be family.

"Nice and strong." The doctor said with a bright smile. She took the wand of the doppler monitor away and then reached for the ultrasound jelly again. "Ready to see the baby now?"

Maureen nodded and then laughed. "Pookie, your gonna have to open your eyes for this part."

Joanne smiled sheepishly as she opened her eyes and used her thumb to wipe away the tears from under her eyes. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Pookie." Maureen beamed. "It was the best sound in the world."

The doctor put more of the jelly on Maureen's bump of a stomach and then pressed the wand of the ultrasound to it. She rolled it around for a few moments looking at the screen and typing in some things before finally turning the monitor. "Everything looks really good."

At first Maureen couldn't make out much of anything but then she thought she saw an outline of a head. "Is that the head?"

With the tip of a pen the doctor outlined the image a little more carefully. "Here's the head, the neck, and the body. There's an arm, the other arm, and the legs."

"It's so tiny but it already looks like a baby." Joanne said lamely and then blushed. Of course it looked like a baby, it was a baby.

The doctor smiled. "If we'd done this earlier the baby would have looked like a tadpole."

Seeing the gleam of mischievousness in Maureen's eyes, Joanne shook her head and laughed. "We're not calling the baby, Kermit."

"Well we can't keep calling it an it." Maureen protested with a playful pout.

"Would you like to know the sex?" The doctor asked as she changed views.

Both women shook their heads and Maureen answered aloud. "No, we want to wait."

The doctor nodded with a smile. She showed them a couple more angles, made a few more notes, and then printed out pictures of the best captures. "When you're a little further along and the baby is more active we can make a video tape."

Once they were finished and Maureen was cleaned up, the two women headed for the parking lot of the hospital. Maureen was staring at the pictures of the baby, the realization that she was going to be a mother and all that entailed slowly skinning in.

"Oh my god." Joanne gasped.

Maureen's head snapped up. "What?"

Joanne pointed to the front doors where a very stressed looking Benny was walking a very pregnant and clearly in pain looking Alison into the hospital. She and Maureen just stood there watching as someone brought a wheelchair and then whisked the couple off down a nearby hall. When Benny and Alison were out of sight Joanne and Maureen looked at each other and blinked before finally laughing. "Oh I can't wait to tell the guys about this." Maureen said as they walked out and headed for Joanne's car.

As they drove through the city both women were lost in their own thoughts. Neither had told their parents yet. After the party the Jeffersons had thrown for them and the scene they'd caused, they were both a little leery about talking to their parents about their relationship. Joanne's wanted her to find someone more responsible, more their 'class'. Maureen's wanted her back with Mark.

"Jo." Maureen finally spoke up.

"Hmm?" Joanne replied.

Maureen turned away from the window she'd been looking out in order to look at her lover. "I think it's time we invited our parents to dinner."

Joanne smiled. "Reading my mind again?"

Maureen replied with a bright bubbly laughed. "Well it's only fair that they know their going to be grandparents."

"All of them?" Joanne asked carefully.

"Of course all of them!" Maureen answered with a bit of a frown. "Pookie, this is our baby, he or she will be as much your son or daughter as he or she is mine. In fact," Maureen bit her bottom lip for a moment. "Pookie pull over, I wanna go to the park."

Joanne looked confused. "I thought we were meeting everyone at the loft?"

"We are but I want to go to the park first." Maureen told her. "I want to talk to you and I don't want to do it in the car. Pull over."

"Ok, ok." Joanne replied as she made her way towards Central Park.

The park was starting to show all the warm and wonderful signs of spring after a long winter and Maureen found herself wrapped around Joanne's arm as they walked. After they'd been walking for ten minutes or so in silence, Maureen pulled them over to a bench where they could see children playing soccer in a distant field.

Finally Maureen spoke up. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and stuff about a lot of things. About how everything's changed, about how I've changed. Do you know why I was always flirting, always," She paused and shifted her gaze to the newly green grass under her feet, "cheating?"

Joanne wasn't sure how to reply or even if she should, so she just listened.

"With all the others, even Mark, it was because I wasn't willing, or ready I guess, to be anything more then a superficial girlfriend. A fun loving silly goodtime." She dared a look at her lover. "With you it was different. I played my games because you scared the hell out of me."

Joanne blinked, a total look of horror on her face. "I scare you?"

Maureen nodded. "Not in the way you're thinking." She leaned back and reached out to caress Joanne's face. "The way you make me feel scared me. The fact that I could see a future with you scared me. The feeling that I'll fall to pieces without you scared me. So I played my games to keep you at arms length because I knew sooner or later you'd be gone."

"I'm still here, Baby." Joanne said softly.

"I know." Maureen replied. "That's the scarcest part of all. I realized something this morning when I saw you crying. I realized that this was real, that you were real, and that you weren't going anywhere, and that you weren't still here just out of pity or some stupid sense of honor. When you looked at me, at the baby, I saw your family in your eyes."

Tears once again welled in Joanne's dark eyes. "Baby, I…"

Maureen put her hand over Joanne's mouth. "I'm not finished. I really did mean it when I said I'd commit to you, but that whole thing at that time just sent me into hyper drive. I still have fears, but I'm not scared anymore, Joanne. I want what I saw in your eyes this morning. I want our family." She smiled brightly before kissing Joanne softly on the lips. "Marry me, Joanne?"

"When can we get the next train to Boston?" Joanne replied as she wrapped her arms around Maureen.

"Was that a yes?" Maureen asked.

Joanne laughed. "That was a hell fucking yes I'll marry you."

The slightly younger woman beamed as she kissed her lover passionately. "One more thing." She smiled as she pulled back just a little, "I want our baby to know that you truly are his or her mother just as much as I am. I want you to adopt him or her, that is if you want too."

"Oh Maureen." Joanne's cheeks were once again wet with tears. "I'll start the paper work first thing in the morning."


	14. Chapter 14

"I still don't see it." Roger said from a chair in Maureen and Joanne's living room. He was holding the sonogram picture and turning it this way and that, and then back again.

Maureen laughed as she slipped a pair of simple diamond studs in her ears. "Roger, you've been looking at that for over a week now."

"And I still don't see it." Roger replied, now holding the picture sideways.

"Your hopeless." Maureen told him as she walked over to stand behind him. She traced the baby's outline on the picture for the up-teenth time with a freshly painted fingernail.

Roger's face lit up. "I see it!"

With a roll of her eyes and a deep laugh, Maureen headed back towards her bedroom. "You're hopeless, Davis, utterly and completely hopeless."

For his part, Roger was memorizing the outline, tracing it with his own finger. He was going to love rubbing it in Mark's face. Camera boy couldn't find the baby either. When Maureen came back out he looked up at her. She was dressed simply, or at least as simply as Maureen could get, in a pair of jeans, plain black tank top, and a valet blazer. With the blazer open the tank top stretched over her ever growing bump to make it more then clear that she was pregnant.

"So what are you going to tell them?" He asked referring to hers and Joanne's parents.

"That I'm pregnant and that Joanne and I are going to Boston to get married." Maureen replied even though she knew that wasn't what he meant.

Roger rolled his eyes. "What are you going to tell them about how you got that way?"

Maureen sighed. They would be sitting at a table with these people in less then two hours and she and Joanne were still fumbling with that part. It sure wasn't going to be the truth. She'd never told her parents she'd been raped. And the last thing she wanted was more people who could let the truth slip years from now in front of tiny ears. Whatever they told their parents tonight would set in stone the story of the baby's conception.

"You could always tell them it's mine." Roger offered.

She blinked as she turned to look at him. "Roger that's so sweet!" She walked over and hugged his neck and then sat on the coffee table in front of him and sighed. "Thank you, Rog, but…"

"It'll never work." He nodded. "There's no way they'd have allowed me to be a donor and your parents would freak out if they thought you slept with me. They'd worry you and the kid were infected."

Maureen nodded.

"You could tell them its Mark's." He offered next.

"Hell no!" Maureen replied as she shook her head, causing her mass of dark curls to come out of the clips that held it back. "That would just encourage them to push harder for us to get back together."

Roger laughed and held up his hand in time to block a thump to the head. "Ok, ok, bad idea."

With a sighing huff that only a true diva could pull off, Maureen got up and went to get her shoes. She was so caught up in figuring out what to tell the parents that she hadn't noticed Joanne come home or Roger leave.

"Honeybear?" Joanne said softly as she came up behind Maureen. "You ok?"

Maureen smiled as she leaned back against her lover. "Yeah, I'm ok. Just lost in thought."

"It'll be ok." Joanne reassured her. "No matter what happens, it'll be ok."

An hour and half later the two women were on their way downtown to meet their parents. The taxi ride was a quiet one. They simply sat there holding hands and thinking. When they finally got to the restaurant Joanne paused outside the doors. "Sperm bank?"

Maureen nodded as she buttoned her blazer. "Only choice we have."

"We could tell them the…" Joanne began.

"No." Maureen replied, cutting of the rest of that sentence.

Joanne just nodded, took her lover's hand, and then led her into the restaurant. As the hostess walked them to their table they could see that both sets of parents had already arrived, and that all four of them looked confused, their mothers even looked worried, or was that fear?

"Sorry we're late." Joanne said as she pulled out Maureen's chair and then sat next to her. "We got a late start."

In truth, Maureen had gotten sick. She had morning sickness, but when she became nervous or scared it tended to creep into day and night sickness too. "My fault," She smiled weakly, "I wasn't feeling well."

"Are you alright dear?" Mrs. Johnson asked worriedly.

Maureen smiled at her mother. "I'm fine, Mom."

When the waitress came over everyone ordered their drinks. Maureen ordered a sparkling water with lime, which got an odd look from her parents. She smiled at them and shrugged. They chatting causally for a little while about everyone's comings and goings, the tension slowly building. Both sets of parents knew there was a point to this dinner and they were all starting to wish the girls would just get on with it. Finally after the plates had been removed and before dessert and coffee were served, Joanne reached over and took Maureen's hand.

"I know you all know we're here for a reason." She began. "Thank you for being so patient." She glanced over and Maureen before looking at her parents then Maureen's. "Maureen and I are getting married."

There was silence at the table.

Maureen swallowed the lump in her throat before looking at the Jeffersons. "I know you're both very leery of me and after the party at the country club I can't blame you. I'd like to apologize for that by the way. I wasn't ready for something so serious then, and honestly, the whole thing scared the hell out of me."

"And you're ready now?" Mrs. Jefferson asked flatly.

"Yes, I am." Maureen answered honestly.

Mrs. Johnson looked at her daughter carefully before asking, "Maureen, are you sure this is what you really want?"

"Yes I'm sure." Maureen answered. She looked into Joanne's eyes before looking at their parents again. "A lot of things have happened over the past few months." She squeezed Joanne's hand. "When our friend Angel died, I realized I wanted what he had, I wanted that kind of love, to have someone to live for. Then we nearly lost Mimi and I knew that if that had been Joanne, that if I'd lost her, I'd die too. We've been working things out for months, and it hasn't been easy. We're both stubborn and we both have strong personalities that clash sometimes, but that's part of the reason we fit so well together. We balance each other out. I love her."

Joanne had the brightest smile on her face. She caressed Maureen's cheek before turning to look at her parents. "This is the real thing this time."

"How can you be sure?" Mr. Jefferson asked.

Joanne looked at Maureen who nodded. With a nod of her own, Joanne looked once more their parents. "We're not only getting married. We're having a baby."

Four sets of eyes went wide.

"Don't you think that's all just a little too much right now?" Mrs. Jefferson asked. "What if this doesn't work the way you think it will? Maybe you should wait before…"

"I didn't say we're thinking of having a baby." Joanne cut in. "I said we are having a baby."

Maureen bit her lip before standing up and unbuttoning her blazer.

There was silence.

Maureen sat back down slowly.

No one said a word until the waitress came with coffee and dessert. "Will there anything else?"

Joanne shook her head as she fished for her wallet. "No, thank you." She handed the woman her credit card. "Could you box this please?" She asked indicating her and Maureen's desserts "We'll be leaving now."

The waitress nodded and took the two desserts back.

She was somewhere between angry, hurt, and disappointed as she pulled two self-made innovations out of the pocket of Maureen's blazer. With a controlled tightness in her voice Joanne put one each in front of her father and Maureen's. "That's all the information about the wedding. It's in Boston in two weeks. Whither you come or not is totally up to all of you."

The ride home had been just as quiet as the ride to the restaurant only the tension was different. Instead of feeling nervous and even a little scared, there was anger and hurt in the air. Maureen managed to make it to the apartment before she finally reacted.

"I can't believe them!" She yelled, tears in her eyes. "My fucking parents! And yours, they didn't even ask us how, I bet they all think I cheated on your and got myself knocked up. You'd better believe that you'll be getting a call telling you to get out before I trap you."

Walking over Joanne put her arms around the red faced, tear streaked woman. "They'll accept this or they won't, it won't change anything, Maureen."

"You'll resent me if you lose your parents over this." Maureen replied with fear in her voice.

Joanne shook her head. "Never, whatever happens is their choice. You and the baby, Maureen, you're my family, your what I want. You and the baby are what I live for. I love you."

Maureen accepted the soft kiss and calmed down. "I love you too."


	15. Chapter 15

There hadn't been a single word from Maureen's parents, but just as she'd predicted Joanne's had called her while she was at work the next day. Joanne stood her ground and did her best to reassure her parents that this wasn't all a mistake. Maureen didn't think they were put at ease, but she guessed she'd find out if they showed up for the wedding. She sighed as she walked into the skyscraper that was home to Joanne's firm, and then mentally shook of the dark cloud that was their parents.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson." Joanne's assistant greeted as Maureen approached. "Ms. Jefferson is still in a meeting but she said to have you wait in her office."

Maureen smiled brightly at the young woman and followed her into Joanne's small windowless office. "One of these days I'm going to brighten this place up."

The assistant laughed. "I don't think lawyer's offices are allowed to be brighten up."

Helping herself to Joanne's chair Maureen waved her hand dismissively at the thought. "Personally I'd feel more comfortable in a brighter less ivy league space. Leave the old fuddy-duddies have their stuffy old lawyer offices."

"The clients we have like old, fuddy-duddy, ivy league." Joanne said from the doorway of her office, her arms crossed under her breasts as she leaned on the doorjamb.

Again Maureen waved her hand dismissively. "Then you need brighter clients. It's to drab and dull."

"Can I get you anything?" The assistant replied with a chuckle.

"I'd love a real cup of coffee." Maureen groaned, but then smiled at the look she got from Joanne. "But I'll settle for a decaf herbal tea."

The assistant nodded and smiled. "Ms. Jefferson?"

"The same, Caitlyn, thank you." Joanne replied as she moved from the doorway. Once the woman was gone and the door closed, she walked over and sat on the edge of her desk. "Comfy?"

"Very." Maureen wiggled in the rolling chair and put her hands behind her head. She'd have put her feet up but she was finding that particular motion more difficult these days. "So, not that I mind having a reason to come see you in the middle of the day, but why am I here?"

"We have things that need to be signed." Joanne told her. "Harvey made everything priority as a sort of wedding present."

Maureen chuckled as a sudden mix of emotion washed over her. She was excited and nervous and even a little scared. Taking Joanne's hand she kissed it lightly before squeezing it. "You should have said something, Pookie, I'd have dressed nicer."

Joanne ran her eyes over the last pair of jeans Maureen owned that still fit, the tight baby blue t-shirt, and her ever present leather jacket. "I think you look gorgeous."

"Mmhmm, you're just waiting for the air conditioning to start working." Maureen laughed as she thrust her now fuller chest out.

A soft blush colored Joanne's nose just before Caitlyn came with their teas, followed quickly by Harvey and his case folder. "Alright my domestic divas lets get those singing hands warmed up." He greeted cheerfully.

The three of them moved over to the small table in the corner of Joanne's office where Harvey opened his folder and took over several stacks of documents. "Lets go in proper order shall we?" He pulled out a form. "This is the domestic partnership affidavit for the state of New York. It's really pretty simple, you two fill it out and sign it, I notarized it, and then you two take it, some form of valid identification, and a money order for the fees to the city clerks' office. You both meet the requirements, you're both New York City residents, you're both over eighteen,"

"Barely." Maureen teased.

Joanne rolled her eyes.

Harvey laughed and went on, "Neither are married, and you're in a close and committed personal relationship and you live together and have for some time." He handed Joanne a pen. "This, unlike the marriage license you'll get in Massachusetts, is recognized in the state of New York. It will give you the same basic rights as a New York marriage license would. Once you hand all that in they'll issue your DP certificate."

Joanne filled in the form with Maureen's help and then both women signed it and handed it back to Harvey who pulled out his notary press. He made a point of looking away to finish it off to give the two women a private moment. Once he was finished he slipped it into a brown envelope and handed it back. "Now for the next part of the nursery rhythm, the baby in the baby carriage."

Maureen smiled brightly and grabbed Joanne's hand. As soon as she'd known she wanted to have this baby and raise it, she'd known she'd wanted to do so with Joanne. She'd been scared to death that Joanne would refuse her since they'd never really talked about having children, but then again until recently they were still walking the sword's edge when it came to their relationship.

"Since Maureen is already the child's parent biologically, what we're going to do is called a second parent adoption. What it does is create a second legally recognized parent, or co-parent, in this case Joanne." He went on to explain the adoption and everyone's rights and responsibilities. When he was finished both Maureen and Joanne signed all the documents.

"Congratulations, ladies. You're now a family in the eyes of New York state law." Harvey told them as he organized all the paperwork.

Maureen couldn't contain herself. She pulled Joanne to her feet, wrapped her arms around her lover, and kissed her with passion and intensity. Joanne was blushing and breathless when she was released.

Harvey laughed at the expression on his colleague's face. "I'd have worried if you two hadn't have kissed that way after what we've just done."

Once Harvey had left to file the adoption papers Maureen began to bounce around the room like a three year old on a cotton candy high. "This is so utterly unbelievable, Pookie!" She swept Joanne up in her arms and hugged her while wiggling.

Joanne laughed and kissed Maureen deeply. "And Boston will be the icing on the cake."

Maureen squealed happily. "I never thought I'd ever be in a place like this in my life, Baby. Thank you."

"For what?" Joanne asked as she continued to hold her lover.

"For giving me you, for giving us you." She put Joanne's hands on her belly.

Joanne rubbed little circles on Maureen's belly as she placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I should be the one thanking you."

There was a moment of comfortable, and comforting silence between them before Maureen bubbled, "You can thank me later at home we we're alone and naked."

Again Joanne blushed and laughed as she shook her head. "You've no idea how glad I am you haven't changed completely, Baby. I'd have missed this side of you."

It was Maureen's turn to blush.

Pulling away from her lover Joanne headed for her desk. "Come on let's get out of here."

Maureen blinked, looked at the clock, and blinked again. "You're leaving early?"

"We're going out to celebrate." Joanne informed her curly headed love. "We're going out for a late lunch and then shopping. It's time you gave in and got some maternity clothes."

"Shopping!" Maureen smiled brightly as she plopped down on the edge of the desk. "I am so not wearing frumpy muumuus."

"The city is full of little places to get really stylish clothes, Honeybear." Joanne reassured her as she packed her briefcase.

After stopping at their apartment so Joanne could get out of her suit and drop off her work stuff, the two women headed for their favorite outdoor café for lunch. Maureen, who wasn't a huge meat eater, ordered a huge hamburger and quickly blamed it on the baby. After lunch, and three trips to the bathroom thanks to the large decaf iced tea Maureen had had with it, they headed off to maternity stores Joanne had looked up online.

"Pookie," Maureen began as she pulled a foil print tank top from a rack, "What do you want to be called?"

Joanne blinked. "Huh?"

"Well," The brunette went on as she held the tank up against herself and looked into a mirror, "There's two us so we need to make sure we know who it is the baby needs or is talking too, and we should get him or her use to which is which. My books say babies can hear in there you know."

That made sense, why hadn't she thought of that? Joanne thought about it for a moment. "Mama, I think I'll go with that. What about you?"

Maureen smiled brightly. "Mommy of course."

Several pairs of jeans, pants, tank tops, and lacey things later the pair were making their way back to their apartment. Maureen had even found a dress for the wedding at the last place they'd went. Joanne had wanted to buy a couple of baby things, but Maureen had said it was too soon. She was afraid of jinxing it and would rather wait until it was closer to her due date.

"Pookie," She began again as they entered their apartment, "do you think when we do go shopping for the baby we can take Mimi?"

"Sure we can." Joanne replied as she took the bags into the bedroom and then came out again.

"Good." Maureen replied when she came back out. "I'd like Mimi to be involved."

Joanne nodded as she sat on the couch and cuddled with Maureen. "She's great with kids. She even mentioned once that she'd always wanted to have several."

"So if I asked you if you would be ok with asking her to be the baby's godmother?" Maureen asked as she closed her eyes and snuggled.

"I'd say you were reading my mind again." Joanne leaned her head back against the couch after kissing the top of Maureen's head.

"And the guys can be godfathers." Maureen yawned.

Joanne chuckled. "Can there be three godfathers?"

"Sure why not, we're an unconverted family." Maureen smirked.

She had a point. Joanne nodded in agreement and closed her eyes. "And we'd have it no other way."

Both women were smiling as they snuggled and were soon both fast asleep on the couch with Maureen's head on Joanne's chest, and Joanne's head back against the couch, her hand on Maureen's belly.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: The beginning of the ceremony, and the vows I found on Google. But the majority of the ceremony, the longest parts, came from the CD "Healing Angel" by Roma Downey. The songs/poems are "Loving" and "Perfect Harmony" both written by Phil Coulter.

No one asked Collins how he got the money to rent a car so everyone could drive with Maureen and Joanne to Boston, mostly because they didn't want to have to lie when Joanne asked. She didn't know about the ATMs with angel codes. They'd all checked into a small bed and breakfast that specialized in same sex wedding packages. The girls had chosen to have the ceremony in the beautiful Japanese garden on the property, and the reception in the butterfly garden. They had also planned on a more bohemian night out for the next night before everyone but them headed back to New York.

As Maureen sat in the small bridal room getting ready with Mimi's help, she kept watching the door. Joanne's parents had come the night before and the four of them had sat down and talked for hours. Maureen had a pretty good feeling that she'd finally shown the Jeffersons that she was growing up and that she loved their daughter. As she waited and dressed, it became more and more painfully clear that her own parents weren't going to give this a chance.

"You're trembling." Mimi said as she placed her hands on her friend's shoulders.

Maureen smiled at her through the mirror. "Nervous, scared, exited, it's got me a little buzzed."

"It's going to be beautiful, Mo." Mimi smiled back.

It meant so much to both her and Joanne to have all of their friends there, but she still wished Angel could have been there fussing over her dress and makeup, and telling the staff how to make everything simply perfect. Reaching up, Maureen traced the necklace Collins had given her to wear as part of the Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed & Something Blue tradition. It was one of Angel's favorites, and Collins had given it to her as a wedding gift. Tears welled in Maureen's eyes.

"She's here, Mo." Mimi said as she hugged her friend from behind. "And she thinks you're beautiful too."

Maureen nodded as she took the tissue that Mimi handed her just as a knock sounded on the door. "Go away Pookie!"

Collins laughed as he stepped inside. "Aww but sugarplum."

Maureen huffed and stuck her tongue out at him before getting up to hug him.

"You look beautiful, Mo." He told her.

She laughed. "So I've been told. Not that I'm complaining, since I'm getting all the attention, but how come you aren't sitting with the guys?"

"Because, I'm the oldest member of this family and that thereby gives me the right to walk the bride down the isle." Collins replied as he gave her his biggest brightest smile.

Tears once again filled Marten's eyes. Mr. Jefferson was going to walk Joanne down, and Maureen had thought she'd be walking alone. She should have known better. "Thank you."

After a few more last minute touches Mimi left to go sit with Roger and Mark, while Maureen and Collins waited for their cue to head out into the garden. Taking her friend's arm, Maureen walked out of the bridal room and towards the white carpet that lead to the canopy where she and Joanne would say their vows. Standing out of sight, they waited for their cue.

"Am I too late?"

Maureen turned to see her father standing there. "Daddy! You came!"

The older man nodded and smiled as he came closer to his daughter. "Mrs. Jefferson was right, the important thing here is that you and Joanne love each other, and that you both want a life together, and to give this child a family. Nothing else matters."

"Mrs. Jefferson?" Maureen asked confused.

Mr. Johnson nodded. "She called us at four o'clock this morning." He laughed. "She can be very persuasive in her arguments."

Maureen hugged her father tightly. "You have no idea how much this means to me." When she let go of him she looked over his shoulder. "Where's Mom?"

"I'm sorry Princess, but…"

"She isn't coming." Maureen finished for him. How could she feel so many conflicting emotions all at the same time? She was about to marry the only person she'd ever truly loved so deeply, her child was growing healthly and strong with each passing day, and yet not having her mother there to share it all hurt as deeply as her love for Joanne and her child.

"Well it looks like I'd better go take my seat after all." Collins said with a smile. He gave the older man an approving nodded.

"Is that ok with you Princess?" Mr. Johnson asked. "I mean I'll go…"

Maureen looked up at her father. "Please walk with me Daddy?"

Mr. Johnson nodded as he took his girl in his arms again.

The gang was surprised when Collins came back to sit with them, and it made Joanne's heart stop. She could see him from where she stood waiting. When the music started both women, with their fathers, started walking down the outside isles, there wasn't a middle one. When Joanne saw that Maureen was walking on her father's arm she felt tears in her eyes. She knew how much having her parents here meant to Maureen, no matter how much she had said it didn't bother her. When she noticed that Mrs. Johnson wasn't seated by her own mother, or anywhere else for that matter, Joanne knew it was bitter sweet.

As Maureen passed by Mrs. Jefferson she mouthed, "Thank you."

The older woman simply smiled at her and gave her a slight nod of acknowledgment.

When Joanne and Maureen finally came together under the canopy their fathers let them go as they faced each other and took each other's hands. There were tears in both of their eyes, and smiles on their lips.

The Reverend smiled as she began to speak. "Welcome. Today is a joyous day! Love makes this day joyous! Welcome to this joyous day!" She began, her voice laced with a soft Irish lilt. "Today we are honored to witness the public profession of love between two people. Today we are privileged to hear words of loving commitment spoken joyously out loud. Today is a transition time; a threshold has been reached, but this is not an abandoning of old lives, it is an expansion into new lives, building upon the old."

Turning her attention to Maureen and Joanne the Reverend went on. "To be in love, is to be truly and wonderfully alive. Never to have loved is to leave the map of your soul uncharted, unexplored. But be aware, before embarking on your heart's voyage of discovery, that there will be stormy seas, and troubled waters before you reach the island paradise of your dreams. You cannot know the ecstasies of loving without having suffered its agonies.."

"And only when you have waited, cold, and lonely, through the hours of night, will you truly savor the morning sun, feeling its warmth caress your body. And before you can fly like an eagle, high and free in the endless blue sky, you must know what it is to be helpless, hopeless, lost and grounded. Oh but be not afraid of love, for the spirit of true love has come to you within each other. Embrace each other, embrace each other unashamedly, possess each other body and soul and you will take each other to places you have never imagined. And you will feel in every fiber of your being, as you have never ever felt before. Allow yourselves to be happy, and acknowledge that you are. Cherish each and every moment, for they will never come again. Time rushes by for lovers, and the simple gesture of today is the treasured memory of tomorrow."

Placing her hands on Maureen and Joanne's clasped hands she continued, "Give and receive freely, remember you are blessed to be loved, but doubly blessed when you love in return."

There wasn't a dry eye anywhere as the Reverend stepped back. "With that said, it is time to make your vows to each other."

Both women were smiling and wiping tears form the other's cheeks. They simply looked at each other for a long time before Maureen finally spoke.

"I Maureen take you Joanne to be my wife, my partner in life, the mother of my children, and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live." Maureen's hands shook as she placed a gold band on Joanne's left ring finger. When she looked up into those eyes she loved so much, she felt as if the world had just set it's self right.

Joanne was speechless for several moments before picking up Maureen's band with an equally shaky hand. "I, Joanne take you, Maureen to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity."

The Reverend smiled brightly as the two women once again clasped hands. She put her own hands on each of their shoulders. "Now you have exchanged solemn vows before God. And made a sacred promise to one another to love, honor, and cherish. And to share the years ahead. You have been joined together, but you are still individuals. Stay very close, but allow each other room to breathe. You have made a commitment for the long road, now you must learn to be good traveling companions."

"Walk with dignity, and walk with faith. Stand shoulder to shoulder, and take strength from your togetherness. Walk hand in hand, and take pride in your closeness. Be open and be honest, but respect each other's privacy. Be caring and attentive, but respect each other's space. Never forget that you belong together. Just as the waves belong on the ocean, and the stars belong in the sky. As you grow together, let not your love be suffocating, but inspiring. Recognizing that each of you has your own special gifts and talents, and remember, the sweetest music two voices can make is not when they sing the same melody, but rather when two different refrains come together in close and perfect harmony."

There was a stillness over everyone that just seemed to crackle, shine, and sparkle. The Reverend stepped back and allowed a natural, reflective, silence fall before finally smiling brightly. "And , finally, with the power granted to me as a member of the clergy of this state, I know pronounce you wife and wife, you may now seal the deal with a kiss."

Maureen and Joanne stood there for a long moment just looking at each other through tear filled eyes. When then finally kissed it was long, slow, emotional. When they parted they both would have sworn they'd felt a jolt. They didn't even hear their family and friends cheering, the whole world was simply them.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," The Reverend announced, "it is my great honor to introduce to you for the first time, Maureen and Joanne Jefferson-Johnson."

As Maureen and Joanne turned to look at their family and friends, they were laughing and crying at the same time. Everyone was on their feet cheering, Mrs. Jefferson had tears in her eyes, as did Mimi. Mark had been filming the whole thing, and Collins and Roger were both on chairs whistling and hooting with joy. It would be a day they both remembered forever, and knew in their hearts would only be matched by the birth of their child.


	17. Chapter 17

Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom of their hotel suite, Maureen took in her own reflection. She was dressed in a soft pale blue satin negligee, her dark hair fanned out over her shoulders and back, and the bathroom tiles were cold under her bare feet. She looked the picture of the old Maureen, seductive and sexy. The problem was she didn't feel so seductive or sexy, and it had nothing to do with her pregnancy. In fact the old Maureen would have thought the growing bump and swelling breasts were sexy as hell. But this Maureen couldn't even remember the last time she felt sexy. Broken, tainted, used up, damaged, those were the things she still felt when she thought of herself, or at least her body. There were even times when she thought she could still see the long since faded bruises that had marred her perfect porcelain skin.

Her physical injuries had healed a while ago, but the emotional ones were taking longer then she liked. Despite her therapy Maureen still hadn't been able to make love to Joanne. Maureen Johnson, once Queen of sexy, who loved sex and making love to her passionate ivy league lawyer, would jump every time Joanne tried to touch her in certain ways. Whenever that beautiful elegant milk chocolate hand went for the core of her, Maureen made her stop. It had gotten to the point where Joanne stopped trying and although she said kissing, cuddling, and caressing other parts of Maureen's body was alright, Maureen knew her lover missed having all of her. She knew because she missed making love too. Tonight all of that would change. This was their wedding night and Maureen would be damned if fear or anything else for that matter, was going to stop her from making love to her wife.

After running a brush through her hair one last time, Maureen took a deep breath and then stepped into the bedroom. Joanne was standing by the small round table pouring something bubbly into two champagne flutes. She was dressed in a long button up black silk pajama top that stopped just above her knees and outlined every curve perfectly. My God, Maureen thought, she's beautiful.

With glasses in hand Joanne turned to see Maureen standing in the doorway and gasped. She'd never seen the other woman look so stunning. "Baby, your beautiful."

Maureen actually blushed. "I was about to say the same thing to you."

The two of them just stood there looking at each other until Joanne finally took a couple of steps forward, stretching out her arm to offer Maureen one of the glasses. "Sparking apple juice."

Maureen smiled brightly as she took it. "I figured."

Taking Maureen by the hand Joanne lead her over to the small couch and sat down, pulling Maureen down to sit between her legs. She put her glass down, and then wrapped her arms around her wife; Joanne liked the sound of that word, and kissed her neck. "It seems strange doesn't it?"

Maureen leaded back after she nodded slightly. "The way you suddenly feel everything so much stronger, as if saying our vows permasealed everything."

Joanne nodded then kissed Maureen's neck again as she rubbed her belly. To be honest for a small moment she'd thought Maureen would back out of it, but it was the smallest of moments. "I love you, Maureen."

Turning her head Maureen caught Joanne's lips in a gentle kiss that slowly became more passionate. When she pulled back she rested her head against Joanne's. "I love you too, Joanne."

Both drinks were forgotten as the two began a slow exploration of each other with gently caressing fingers and kisses. Being like this was easy, and they both enjoyed it. It surprised Joanne when their gentle caressing and kisses became more heated. She wanted this, she wanted Maureen, but she had to be sure. "Baby," She whispered when she was able to speak, "are you sure?"

There were tears in Maureen eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. I don't want this wall between us anymore. Please Pookie, make love to me."

Joanne reached up and wiped the tears from Maureen's eyes. It broke her heart to see her love cry. Guiding them to their feet she once again took Maureen by the hand. This time she led her over to the bed and gently laid her down. There was fear in her lover's dark eyes, but there was no longer any terror there. "I love you so much, Maureen."

"I love you too." Maureen replied as she reached for Joanne, pulling on her top.

Maureen stretched happily as she felt the warmth of the sun coming in from the window. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept through the night that way. Well, after she'd gotten to sleep that is. They had taken it very slow, but Maureen did get to feel the heights that only Joanne could take her too again. Turning carefully under the arm that held her close, Maureen watched Joanne sleep. As she lightly traced a finger over her lover's lips she whispered, "I'm so glad you decided to take me. I think I'd have died inside if you'd have left me."


	18. Chapter 18

"POOKIE!"

Joanne jumped at the bellow of her name. She'd been working on a brief and that always seemed to pull her out of the real world. Maureen of course had her own unique ways of pulling her back in. She sighed as she pushed away from the kitchen table. Since it was impossible for them to move to a bigger apartment her office was being turning into a nursery, which suited her just fine. Maureen had fit her filing cabinets nicely into the hall closet, her desk was now part of the living room, and thanks to a little Maureen Johnson redecorating it actually fit in really well. She just liked it better in the kitchen, she always had. When her name was bellowed a second time, with a lot more whine this time, she smiled and headed towards the sound. She found Maureen standing in the once office now nursery with a hand on one hip and wallpaper samples in the other. "You bellowed?"

Maureen huffed as she turned slightly. She was close to her due date and she showed it. Her little bump had blossomed in to a fully defined baby belly. With another hormone driven huff she threw the samples at Joanne. "Fuck it, I'm done, you do it."

There certainly wasn't anything like a pregnant drama diva. "Honey, I thought you settled on the jungle book theme."

"They were sold out of the mobile." Maureen pouted.

It was really hard to keep from laughing. Joanne walked over to her wife and wrapped her arms around her. "They'll get it back in stock. You love your jungle book designs." She looked at the soft sky blue-green color that had been painted on the walls and the jungle tree top leaf boarder that went around the top of the walls, and then at the outlines of all the animals, trees, and plants that would be painted on the walls. When her eyes took in one outline she laughed. "Though it's going to be hard explaining why there's a cow in the jungle."

Maureen sniffled, a small smile curling her lips. "That's Elsie."

Joanne laughed harder. "I kinda got that. There's a diet coke can at her hoof." She smiled when she got a soft chuckle from Maureen and then kissed her softly. "Better?"

"Almost." Maureen replied.

"Almost?" Joanne asked with a raised brow.

Maureen gave her lover her best most innocent smile. "I want a frozen coke and a gyro."

She should have seen that coming. Maureen had been living on frozen cokes the last few weeks. "Anything else?"

"Picked eggs, sardines in mustard," Maureen replied, "and double stuffed Oreos."

Joanne was really hoping she wasn't planning on mixing all of that together. "Anything else?"

Maureen beamed at her lover and kissed her quickly. "Nope."

Joanne kissed Maureen softly and then left the apartment. These store runs had become routine and Joanne didn't mind, she just wished Maureen's shopping lists didn't make her so sick to her stomach. She headed down to the market first, and hoped that Mr. Lang had restocked the sardines from her last trip.

Stepping out of the market fifteen minutes later with the sardines, plus two of those huge pickles as well, and everything else she was sent for Joanne headed for the place around corner that made the gyros that Maureen liked. She figured she'd just pick up dinner while she was there and maybe grab a movie to watch on her way back to the apartment. She was just about to turn the corner when she heard her name being called out.

"Joanne?"

Joanne turned to see a tall Hispanic woman heading towards her and smiled, though rather awkwardly. She hadn't seen Carmon Pérez since before she'd met Maureen.

"Joey that is you!" Carmon said cheerfully as she approached Joanne. "It's been a long time."

"Hi Carmon." Joanne replied as she hugged the woman loosely.

Stepping back Carmon looked Joanne over and smiled. "You're still lookin' fine, Miss Thing."

Joanne returned the smile. "You're looking good to Carrmie. I didn't know you were still in the area."

"I'm not." The taller woman replied. "Just came by to close a deal. You still living here?"

"For now." Joanne replied as she shifted the canvas bag she was carrying to her left hand.

Carmon's eyes went wide at the glint of light from the gold band on her ex's finger. "Oh Joey, please tell me you didn't move to Peckerville."

Joanne laughed. "No, hell no." She laughed again and then held up her hand. Their wedding bands matched, two toned gold bands with two small diamonds in the center. Their engagement rings however couldn't be more different. Hers was a simple round cut diamond in a gold setting, very simple, very classic, and very Joanne. Maureen had picked the perfect ring. Maureen's was a ruby and pink sapphire in rose-colored gold, bright, vibrant, and very Maureen. Joanne had been proud of herself when Maureen had squealed happily.

"No, so that's not a wedding ring?" Carmon asked.

Joanne smiled as she looked up at her ex. "No, it's a wedding ring alright."

Carmon groaned. "Oh dear Sappho you've been caught up in the gay wedding rush."

Other then the fact she wasn't Maureen, Joanne now remembered why she'd broken up with Carmon. The woman hated commitment even more then Roger was scared of it. "Yes Carmon, I'm very happy, thank you for asking."

Having decided she'd rather have some spicy chicken tacos, Maureen had left the apartment in search of her Pookie. She saw her across the street talking to a leggy woman with all the right kind of curves, a woman who didn't look like Harvey Fierstein in Hairspray. She was just about to call out to Joanne when she saw the other woman reach out and play with the ends of Joanne's hair. Any feelings of insecurity quickly turned to anger. She stormed across the street and walked over to the pair with fire in her eyes.

"Don't." Joanne warned as she brushed Carmon's hand aside.

"We were good together, Joey." Carmon purred.

Before Joanne could reply Maureen was shoving Carmon out of the way, and she soon found herself lost in a very deep, very strong, kiss. Joanne blinked when Maureen let go of her, a silly smile on her lips.

Turning to the other woman Maureen narrowed her eyes. "And she and I are better together then you ever could have been. Maureen, and you are?"

Carmon smirked. "Carmon Pérez." She replied, as she looked Maureen up and down. She rolled her eyes and sighed as she looked at Joanne. "You don't do anything half way do ya, Joey. Gold bands and teething rings."

Joanne slipped her hand into Maureen's. "I'd have it no other way."

Carmon nodded. "Good luck with that." Then she smirked. "Ask around if you ever want to find me."

"I won't." Joanne replied.

Maureen watched as the other woman went on her way. She waited until she saw her get into a cab and drive off. Then she let go of Joanne's hand and started walking off without a word.

"Baby?" Joanne asked as she followed. She hadn't expected Maureen to just walk off like that.

Maureen didn't reply. She just kept walking.

Joanne sighed as she caught up with Maureen. "Baby, what's the matter?"

"I want spice chicken tacos rather then a gyro." Maureen said.

She knew that had nothing to do with what was bothering her but Joanne nodded. "Ok Baby."

Maureen went back to the apartment and right into their bedroom. She stripped away all of her clothes and stood in front of the full length mirror simply looking at her naked body. It was swollen, skin stretched and marked with stretch marks, she looked nothing like herself. Until now she'd thought she'd looked sexy, but after seeing Carmon she felt even more like a city bus.

When Joanne got home she slipped into the apartment and set the bags in the kitchen. She'd been surprised when she didn't see Maureen on the couch or standing by the window, then she'd become alarmed when she'd heard some sniffles from the bedroom. When she went in Maureen was still in front of the mirror and she suddenly understood. Walking over to her lover, Joanne put her arms around her naked and beautiful love. "You're so beautiful."

"I'm a cow." Maureen huffed. "That woman was beautiful."

"No, Carmon was good looking yes, but she's not beautiful." Joanne replied before placing a soft kiss on Maureen's neck. "You are beautiful, you were beautiful the first time I saw you, you were drop dead gorgeous when we were fighting at the country club, your were breathtakingly radiant at our wedding, you were sexy as hell on our wedding night, and you're stunning simply standing here now."

"You're just trying to keep me from crying." Maureen protested.

Joanne smiled as she met Maureen eyes in the mirror. "You're already crying. I'm telling you the truth."

Maureen watched their reflections for a moment and then turned in Joanne's arms and kissed her.


	19. Chapter 19

She knew that being married to Joanne would mean certain things. She'd have to put up with her stuffy parents, which she didn't mind. Joanne's parents reminded her of her own, only less Jewish and even more anal if that were possible. She even knew that there would be certain things she'd have to do as far as work related functions with Joanne's firm, and normally she didn't mind these either, though they bored her silly. She was however drawing the line at having to spend the evening with a group of fuddy duddy lawyers on one of the most fun nights of the year.

"No," Maureen said for the tenth time that morning, "I'm not going. It's Halloween, Joanne, and I'm not spending it at some stupid dinner party."

"It's a dinner party being given by the senior partners for Halloween." Joanne huffed as she threw things into her briefcase.

Maureen was making as much noise as she could as she put cereal bowls, bagel plates, silverware, and coffee cups in the sink. "Dressing up in a plain skirt and top and having whatever ivy league snob food they've planned on serving is not celebrating Halloween."

Joanne growled out a sigh. "When are you going to grow up?"

"When you pull that stick out of your ass." Maureen retorted as she turned to look at her wife. "I am dressing up in the costume I made and I'm going out with the gang to have fun. You do whatever your dull little heart wants."

Before Joanne could reply Maureen stormed out of the kitchen and into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Joanne sighed and started to rub at her temples in a vain attempt to keep a headache at bay. She knew there was more to all of this then just what they were going to do for Halloween. Maureen was hormonal, she was also tired of being pregnant, but most of the stress was coming from what day it was. It surprised Joanne at times how quickly two years could fly by.

Maureen waited until she heard Joanne leave the apartment before coming out of their bedroom. Walking over to the window she watched as her lover headed down the street towards the subway, and wondered if the tension they were all feeling over the last few days would fade with time or if today would always weight heavy in their hearts.

After putting a few final touches on their costumes Maureen put them in a dress bag and then gathered up make up and other things they'd need. If Joanne decided to join them she knew to meet her at Mimi's, if not Maureen left Joanne's favorite light brown pant suit with the cream blouse hanging on the back of the closet door, freshly steamed and ready to wear. She then headed over to the loft.

"You gonna make it up the first step?"

Maureen looked up at Roger who was leaning over the railing outside Mimi's loft. He had that simple boyish smirk on his face and she wasn't in the mood for it. "Fuck off, Roger."

"Ooo, someone's hormones are up." He teased as he came down the stairs to help her up them.

For his offer of help Maureen hit him with her make-up bag, which only made him laugh. She rolled her eyes at him, but let him help her up the stairs. "I can't wait until this kid is done."

"Like carrying it and all it's baby stuff up to the loft is going to be any easier?" Roger replied as he opened Mimi's door.

"Good point." Maureen said as she set her stuff down. "That's why we're leaving stuff here."

Roger blinked. "You are not littering our bachelor pad with baby crap. It'll put a cramp in our style. What will the ladies think?"

From her kitchen area Mimi throw a dishtowel at her boyfriend. "Your lady will think you're a sweetheart who loves his Godchild."

Roger feigned hurt as the towel hit him in the chest. He stumbled back and fell onto the couch gasping. When all he got was two pairs of dark eyes rolling at him, he sat up and shrugged. "Yeah but what about Mark?"

Maureen snorted. "What about Mark?"

"What will his ladies think?" Roger asked, knowing the question was baited.

She knew she shouldn't but she laughed anyway. "When was the last time Mark had a lady in the loft?"

"Do you, Jo, and me count?" Mimi asked. Maureen shook her head. "Well there was that one time, the redhead."

"That was the FedEx driver." Roger chimed in.

Mimi thought a moment then asked, "The brunette?"

"Rental place coming to get the projector." Maureen answered.

It was becoming even more evident that Mark needed to get hooked up. "The blonde?"

"Girl Scout selling cookies." Roger replied.

Mimi shivered. "Ok that just went to where it should have never gone. Mark needs a date."

Maureen stood there watching Mimi and Roger work out ways to set Mark up, normally one of her favorite topics, but she was lost in her own thoughts. Slipping her hand into her jacket pocket she ran her fingers over her cell phone. Maybe she should call Joanne to talk about their fight. Changing her mind she looked at her friends a moment and then started towards the door. "I'll be back in a hour."

Joanne had spent all morning prowling around her office like an agitated cat. She went over and over everything that had been happening over the last few days. She and Maureen seemed to fight at the slightest drop of a hat and it was starting to wear on her nerves. After figuring out she wasn't going to get any work done she left the office early and headed back to their apartment. She wasn't surprised when she didn't find Maureen there; she was surprised at how carefully Maureen had picked out her outfit for the dinner party though. She also noticed that their costumes were gone. Sitting on the foot of their bed she let out a long breath.

"Yes, Heather, it's Joanne." Joanne said into her cell as she walked down the sidewalk. "Could you tell Mr. Bierrce that we won't be able to make it tonight. Yeah, we have another event to go to. Thanks, bye."

Maureen had been right, they needed to start being more flexible. She was going to have to re-organize a lot more of her life when the baby came. Maureen and the baby were a hell of lot more important then making an appearance at some boring work thing. Joanne loved her parents, but she didn't want to turn into them. Letting herself into the building she made her way up to the boys' loft.

"Hey check it out it's Condoleezza Rice, great getup Jo." Roger teased.

Joanne rolled her eyes. "Shut up Roger." She scanned the room quickly but didn't see Maureen. "Where's Maureen?"

"She was here, dropped off all your stuff, then left." Mimi answered, then looked at the clock and frowned. "She said she'd be back in an hour but that was nearly two hours ago."

Maureen sat on the bench in front of Angel's grave quietly since she'd run out of things to say an hour ago. She just didn't feel ready to leave yet. Normally coming to talk to Angel made her feel better, but it was slowly starting to dawn on her that she hadn't just been feeling an emotional pressure, it was starting to feel physical as well. Maureen gasped a little when she felt a slight cramping, her hand going protectively to her stomach, and fear filling her eyes. The cramping didn't last long and as soon as she was sure she was ok, Maureen pushed herself to her feet and headed out of the cemetery.

Pulling her cell phone from her pocket as she made her way towards the loft she dialed Joanne's cell. "Pookie."

"Maureen where are you?" Joanne's voice replied.

"On my way back to the loft. Needed to talk to someone." Maureen answered. "Pookie, do you remember what Nancy said in our class about how you could tell if you've started labor?"

On the other end of the line milk chocolate skin dropped three shades. "Maureen, where exactly are you?"

"Half way between the loft and the cemetery." She admitted.

Without a word to the others Joanne ran out of the loft, down the stairs, and out of the building with the cell phone still to her ear. "Baby, what are you feeling?"

"Pressure, I had a cramp a little while ago." Maureen replied. She tried to sound calm and casual about it, but the tone in Joanne's voice wasn't helping.

The others knew Joanne was talking to Maureen so when she torn out of the loft they all followed.

Joanne ran down the street surpassingly well in heels. She talked to Maureen on the phone until she saw her wife and then closed and shoved the device into her coat pocket. "Baby, you ok?"

Maureen smiled as Joanne rushed over to her. "I was going to call you and tell you we could go to the dinner party and then go to the party at the Life afterwards, but I don't think we'll be doing either."

"Why not?" Joanne asked in a panic.

Maureen leaned against a telephone pole. "Cause I'm having another cramp."

Joanne glanced at her watch and then reached out and brushed dark curls from Maureen's face, while Maureen held her stomach and put her head on Joanne's shoulder.

"Shit." Mark said as they came up to the girls.

"Get a cab." Joanne told them before tossing her phone to Mimi. "Call Doctor Shaw. Her number is in the phonebook on that thing."

Mimi nodded and started looking for the number while Roger and Collins stepped into the middle of the street to stop a cab that barely stopped short of hitting them. When the driver got out and started yelling Collins pushed him up against the cab. "Look asshole, see her," He pointed to Maureen. "She's about to have baby. Get your ass back in the cab and get us to the hospital."

The man simply nodded and got back in while muttering something about charging extra and not having the baby in his cab.

Maureen, Joanne, and Collins got into that cab, and the others in one that was being held up a couple cars behind. Maureen wasn't sure if she should panic or stay calm. She would have whined but she didn't know what to whine about. The cramping had stopped, it hadn't lasted long and there was a span of time between it and the last one and that somehow let her know that she had time. Which was fine with her because she really didn't want to end up being one of those six o'clock news stories about a woman giving birth in a NYC taxicab.

When the cab came to a stop in front of the hospital Collins jumped out and went for a wheelchair while Joanne helped Maureen out of the cab. Maureen had to admit she was enjoying all of the attention. When Collins got there with the wheelchair he helped her into it and then pushed her into the emergency room, with Joanne at Maureen's side holding her hand, and the others following close behind.

One of the nurses looked up from the check in desk and walked over to them with a clipboard. It was clear why they were there, so she smiled at the group. "A mommy to be I see. Has your doctor been called?"

Maureen looked up at Joanne who nodded and then answered, "Yes, it's Doctor Lucinda Shaw."

"Alright then," The Nurse smiled and then looked at the others, "Once we get our little mother settled and checked over you'll be able to see her. Now which one of you is the father?"

Everyone pointed to Joanne and in a bohemian chorus said, "She is."

The nurse blinked and then pasted on her smile again. "Well, lets get you two up to maternity then." She handed Joanne the clipboard and took the wheelchair over from Collins. "You'll need to fill out those forms."


	20. Chapter 20

The room they had put Maureen in wasn't like the hospital rooms they were use to. It wasn't cold white walls, curtains, and sheets; it was actually kind of warm. The walls were a soft warm color, the bed big enough for Joanne to lie next to Maureen, and there had been plenty of room for the others when they'd been able to come in to see her. Doctor Shaw had to keep shooing them out every time she needed to check Maureen's progress, and finally decided to send them all for dinner and coffee when Roger got woozy when she talked about Maureen's water breaking and dilatation. She was almost ready; it was just a matter of waiting it out now. "Pookie." Maureen whined softly as she pushed Joanne's attempt to wipe her forehead away. "Pookie, make it stop, tell it to come out now."

Joanne held in a laugh but allowed herself to smile. "I don't think it works that way, Honeybear."

"Please Pookie, you're the mom too, it'll listen to you. Use your court room voice." Maureen went on. She knew it was going to hurt, she just didn't know it was going to hurt this much.

"We're close, Baby." Joanne leaned down and kissed Maureen's forehead. "The doctor said it wouldn't be much longer."

Maureen growled out a huff. "She said that an hour ago."

Doctor Shaw came in just as Maureen was going through another contraction. She'd already been sworn at several times, but she was use to it, and simply put on a clean pair of gloves. "Ok, Maureen, lets see how we're doing."

"You two are doing fine." Maureen hissed through the pain. "I'm the one recreating the scene from alien."

"That was through the stomach, Baby." Joanne teased.

Dark narrow eyes looked up at Joanne. "Shut up."

Doctor Shaw smiled and patted Maureen's leg when she was finished with her exam. "It looks like its time." She nodded to her nurses and then looked at Joanne. "You're gonna need to help keep her sitting up, so why don't you slip in behind her and let her lean against you."

Joanne nodded and quickly got herself and Maureen into an almost snuggle position. She wrapped her arms around Maureen and kissed her temple. She was scared out of her mind and more excited then she could ever remember being.

"Alright Maureen, when I tell you too your going to push while Joanne and I count to ten. Then you can relax before we do it again. We'll just keep doing that until you've got yourself a baby, ok?"

Maureen nodded as she took strength from Joanne.

All time seemed to stop as Joanne held Maureen, helping her when she pushed by pushing them forward a little, kissing her sweat soaked hair as she tried to catch her breath, and told her she could do this when she started to give in to the pain and exhaustion and wanted to stop. Everything in their lives up until this moment suddenly didn't mean much at all, or meant more to Joanne then ever. All the ups and all the downs suddenly all came down to this.

"Ok, Maureen," Doctor Shaw said firmly. "We're almost there. I can see the head so I need you to give me a really hard push this time and hold it for a count of fifteen ok?"

Maureen nodded, took a breath and got ready to push.

"Alright Maureen, push for me."

The doctor and Joanne both counted slowly to fifteen. Doctor Shaw smiled as she placed her hands just under the emerging head. "That a girl Maureen, now breath, good, now come on one more big push and we'll have us a brand new baby. Ready? Push."

Joanne held Maureen a little tighter as she felt her lover's body tremble and strain under the force needed to push. "Your doing great Baby." She whispered to her as she kissed her head. "A little more and we'll have our baby bear."

Maureen grunted and bore down, her lungs burning from holding her breath. Suddenly everything felt different and when she opened her eyes she saw the doctor smiling brightly just as a loud cry filled the room.

"Congratulations Mommies, it's a girl!"

"A girl." Maureen breathed as she watched a nurse place a towel on her stomach, then the doctor placed the smallest, most beautiful thing Maureen had ever seen on the towel. She watched in slow motion as Joanne's hand came into view to cut the cord, and then as the baby was wrapped in a clean towel and taken across the room to get cleaned up. She wasn't aware of anything else going on in the room or to her as she watched the movement surrounding her daughter. Tears fell freely as Maureen wrapped Joanne's arms around herself. A daughter, her daughter, their daughter.

It felt like an eternally before the baby was finally placed in her arms. Maureen looked down into the tiny face, a shaky hand coming up to touch her tiny cheek and to play with tiny fingers. Ten little fingers, ten little toes, a wisp of dark hair, and baby blue eyes. She was the most perfect thing Maureen had ever seen.

Joanne reached out and brushed gentle fingers against the baby's hair, tears in her own eyes. "My god Maureen, she's perfect."

Maureen leaned back against Joanne. "Our daughter's beautiful, isn't she Pookie?"

"The most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Joanne agreed. As the three of them cuddled, Maureen fought off sleep, and Joanne just kept playing everything over and over in her head. "I'm sorry we fought this morning." She said softly.

"It's alright, Joanne." Maureen said as she put Joanne's arms around her and the baby. "There's only us, only this, that's all that matters."

"Roger sit down." Mark huffed as he watched his friend take another lap around the waiting room with his camera. "Your making the fish dizzy."

Roger stopped, blinked, and then looked over at the huge fish take against the wall. He then went back to pacing. "How long does it take to have a baby anyway? It's been hours."

"It takes as long as it takes." Mimi replied.

"Do you think every thing is alright?" Mark asked.

Collins put his arm around the smaller man. "I'm sure everything's fine. When it comes to Mo against the world, my money's always on Mo."

Mark told Roger to sit down seven more times before a nurse finally came to get them. "Now you can only stay a little while, everyone's very tired and needs rest, but Ms. Johnson refused to do anything until she saw all of you."

Collins beamed. "That's our Mo."

The four of them walked into Maureen's room quietly and they all smiled at the sight of Maureen holding a small pink bundle, with Joanne sitting next to her on the bed. Joanne looked up first. "Come in and meet our daughter."

Mimi went right to the side of the bed, as did Collins, but Mark and Roger held back a little. They almost looked scared of her, which made Maureen laugh. "She's not going to hurt you guys."

"She's amazing." Mimi smiled as she reached out and brushed a finger over the baby's little fist.

Roger looked over and smiled, "She's so small."

"She's gorgeous." Collins added.

It seemed surreal to Mark as he watched all of this through his camera. There had been a time in his life when this picture in his head, had had him in Joanne's role, and yet this seemed more right then that image ever had. "October 31st, 9:45pm. Welcome to the world…" He paused and looked up from his camera without stopping it. "Hey, does she have a name yet?"

Maureen looked up at Joanne. They'd spent the past nine months making lists, arguing, reading name books, sending email and text suggestions, but in the end there could only be one name for their child. Joanne smiled brightly and nodded. Maureen looked up at their friends, their family, then specifically at Collins. "Angelica Maria Jefferson-Johnson," She said carefully watching for her friend's reaction, "Angel."

There were tears in the big man's eyes. "It's perfect Mo."

Joanne looked at Mimi who had tears in her eyes as well. "She's only got one Godmother, we thought she should have her name too."

Mimi nodded, more tears running down her cheeks. "It's perfect."

In the nursery that night Angelica cooed softly as she snuggled in her blanket. A hand reached out and caressed her cheek, tears making dark eyes sparkle even more. Kneeling next to the plastic hospital bassinet Angel smiled at the tiny being inside, her namesake. "Don't worry sweetie, Auntie Angel has your back. You're going to have a good life, Angel-Girl."

The End


End file.
